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March 2012

Leisure

Gordon Ramsay bites off a bit more than he can chew

“You disappoint me, Ramsay,” remarked journalist and Top Gear host James May as the chef vomited into an orange bucket. As very few will recall, Gordon Ramsay challenged May in the third season of The F Word to a contest that would determine which of the two had the largest man-parts. Following a rather uneventful partaking of snake whiskey and bull penis, the waiter brought forth the main course—shark meat. Ramsay could not stomach the Icelandic delicacy, and was reduced to cowering under May’s judgment.

By March 30, 2012

Leisure

D.C. sharks reflect on aquarium conditions, life aquatic

Last week, the National Aquarium gave the Voice the unique opportunity to interview three of the sharks housed in the basement of its building on 14th and Constitution Ave. Despite having to go through extensive security to visit the sharks—they do, of course, live in a federal government building—they gracefully downplayed their celebrity status and responded to my questions with the utmost candor. Even though I had to read their expressions through the glass, it was clear that they do not let the customized enclosure and legions of ogling visitors go to their cartilage-protected heads.

By March 30, 2012

Leisure

Critically acclaimed Street Sharks resonates through time

This week, everyone needs to take a break from Mad Men and remember back to the real Golden Age of television—the 1990s. Full House, Boy Meets World, and Street Sharks were at our slimy seven-year-old fingertips, and we didn’t even know how good we had it. You may not recognize those first two shows, as they are often cited as irrelevant, but you are certain to recognize the third. Ah yes, Street Sharks, the one and only show about the crime-fighting mutant shark-men.

By March 30, 2012

Leisure

Box Office, Baby! Samuel L. vs. the shark

There are few things in this world scarier than sharks. If not for sharks, tropical beach resorts could be fully realized pieces of heaven on earth, instead of bastions of terror with bathers constantly on the lookout for dorsal fins. Since most of us haven’t had the personal experience of a shark attack, we are left to wonder how splashing one’s feet in the water came to immediately trigger the image of a shark bite. For most, it was Jaws. For this writer, it’s the 1999 shark thriller Deep Blue Sea.

By March 30, 2012

Leisure

Trash Talk: Fish are friends, not food

With their raw strength and unbridled ferocity, sharks evoke so much power and energy that we use the name to describe business moguls and successful entrepreneurs. Add on the unfortunate reality of shark attacks on humans, and sharks take on an almost mythic nature—they excite our wildest imaginations and simultaneously haunt our worst nightmares. It is no surprise, then, that when BBC set out to film the most awe-inspiring and captivating scenes of the natural world for Planet Earth—the most ambitious and most expensive nature documentary series of all time—sharks had to be a focal point.

By March 30, 2012

Voices

As I lay dying on the beach: The final ruminations of a seal

Hey you there, reading the newspaper! I’m in a bit of a tight and sharp situation. I’m down here in the grips of this freaking great white shark. Why is this happening to me? Aren’t the odds of getting eaten by a shark one in a million? I mean, yes, but I’m a seal. Sharks eat seals all the time, but I always thought it would be another seal. Now I’m about to become a simple statistic. This shark won’t even remember me in a day.

By the March 29, 2012

Voices

Piranha 3DD blows like a killer whale’s waterspout

Piranha 3DD sinks water-animal horror movies to a new low. And I’m not talking about Marianas Trench low. This movie just bites.

By the March 29, 2012

Voices

Hey, Discovery Channel! Pick a better animal, dammit

When I heard the Voice was publishing a shark-themed issue, I felt a sense of dread usually reserved for those dismal seven days of August programming on the Discovery Channel. I despise sharks, and I despise Shark Week. I’m not trying to be an obnoxious contrarian (if I were, I’d write about how and why I never read the Harry Potter books), and I’m not above enjoying even the most exploitative of animal-themed cable shows (which is surely Animal Planet’s Too Cute). But sharks just plain bore me, and they’re close to the bottom of my list of animals that deserve a week of programming. I don’t want sharks shoved down my throat any longer, unless they’re in the form of delicious shark fin soup.

By March 29, 2012

Voices

Carrying On: Based on a true story

It’s a beautiful dawn on Martha’s Vineyard (a.k.a. Amity Island), where a young woman dashes into the sea for a swim at sunrise. She paddles peacefully through calm open water, with not a care in the world. This must be heaven, right?

By March 29, 2012

News

Stafford loan interest rate set to double by summer

Unless Congress acts before July 30, the interest rate for federally subsidized Stafford loans will increase from 3.4 percent to 6.8 percent, potentially increasing the debt load for over 6,000 Georgetown undergraduate and graduate students.

By March 29, 2012