Mass-holes match Milton

By the

February 1, 2001

The Georgetown Voice, in conjunction with the Slackers everywhere, presents a monthly feature in which we find two beings who would never encounter each other in the wild and pit them against one another in a fight to the death. The arena is a neutral environment that does not provide an advantage to any one being. This week:


Nickname: all those people from Massachusetts.

Attacks: wicked accents, Dunkin’ Donut pummel

Intimidation Factor (1-10): 6

Fight History: The Red Sox are cursed, the Patriots just suck and the Celtics are no better. But the residents of this small state have managed to fight off any opposing candidates for Senator over the last 30 years. Couple that with a cocky-ass Will Hunting throwing playground punches and you’ve got a “Pissah” of a fight. And use of the word wicked could throw off any clear-headed American (although it’s doubtful that Milton can be considered that).

Milton Waddams (from Office Space)

Nickname: Squirrel Man

Attacks: arson, stapling. mutter to death

Intimidation Factor (1-10): 4

Fight History: Milton came through with a surprise win against corporate America, but is still not content with this success. After recovering his stapler though, Milton is ready again for a challenge, mkay? Language will ultimately remain a barrier as the two dialects of English are too extreme, but the resulting frustruation could give Milton the edge he needs to win. And remember, he could “always just burn this whole place down … “

Where my money’s going: Milton

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