Hair is not given enough credit nowadays. It’s a forgotten legend?it’s there, but no one really notices or cares. In response to this travesty, the Georgetown Voice is starting a Campaign to Bring Back the Afro, subtitled “Afros Make the World a Better Place.”
Throughout history, the Afro has been sported by many affluent beings. Among the most notable are Doctor J (AKA Julius Erving), Jimi Hendrix, Richard Roundtree (the original Shaft) and Sylvester Stewart (BKA Sly from Sly and the Family Stone). It is argued by some critics that the reason why these figures achieved such an extremely high level of success is their unusually large hair. In fact, it is quite possible that, if it were not for the Afro, these oh-so-famous people who we all know and love would have been ordinary, everyday citizens just like you and me. How did they get to be where they are today? How did Dr. J jump so high? How was Shaft supercool? Let’s face it: It’s all about the hair.
Now, you may be saying to yourself, “This has nothing to do with me. I could never be cool enough to wear an Afro. What’s the point of even trying?” The answer is simple. The only way to reach your full potential is to have huge hair. Even if you think that you’re pretty darn cool, you’re not as cool as you could be if your hair were at least two inches from your head. How could a hairstyle change my life, you ask? Well, the Afro isn’t just any hairstyle. As was already mentioned, this hairstyle has been worn by many important people and is therefore readily associated with power, success and coolness. Studies have shown that height of hair corresponds directly to higher levels of achievement in sports, the arts and higher learning. In fact, a case study showed that Larry, a student who failed Economics three semesters in a row, was terrible at the piano and had bad acne, achieved his full potential once he attained a 3-foot afro. Today, Larry is the CEO of a very large, very successful, very important firm in New York, with a lovely wife, eight kids and beautifully clean skin, while retaining his monstrosity of hair.
No, the Afro is not a seventies’ hairstyle. It is a hairstyle that transcends time and should be loved and respected for its supremacy. It crosses social, economic, ethnic and racial borders and brings people together for a common purpose. The Afro could even be considered a symbol for love and acceptance; those who embrace it, embrace and appreciate everyone’s differences. They are understanding and compassionate towards all. Well, they should be …
Although you are all yearning for the life that an Afro can bring you, don’t go rushing out and doing it alone. Big hair is safer in groups, so be sure to bring a friend along. And women, Afros are OK for you, too. Just remember that Afros need proper love and care and, if not attended to, can become unruly and dangerous.
So, what are you waiting for? Don’t let the chance to be supercool pass you by … join The Voice’s Campaign to Bring Back the Afro and WEAR YOUR HAIR BIG!
