The Leisure Ledger examines certain oddities that pop up in and around the Georgetown University campus. These peculiarities are most commonly things that would go unnoticed and ignored by the masses. But we at The Georgetown Voice feel that it is our duty to call attention to them anyway, because, let’s be honest, some things are just too damn stupid to be allowed to escape criticism and ridicule.
Today, the object of reproach is the bookstore. This fall semster, possibly in an attempt to offset the sham that is “cheaper used books,” the bookstore, in association with Quick Study?, has offered a free guide entitled “Surviving the College Ride.” For those of you less versed in the Quick Study? world, the company offers a set of guides that attempt to sum up all the information on a given subject in a two-page laminated, bulleted handout; topics range from “Chemistry” to “HTML”. But today, it’s “College”. And it’s not a joke.
The first piece of advice concerns parents, or what Quick Study? refers to as “the rents,” just in case you feel more comfortable with lingo originated by YM magazine. The guide provides various financial and relationship suggestions for an all new lifestyle, because, come on, having “no parents in town completely rocks.” For those of you first years who were unaware of that fact, don’t let the excitement lead you to unsafe experimentation with alcohol and drugs, because, as the guide states with caution, they can “alter your perception and actions.” But don’t worry, you’ll learn about that in your Peer Ed classes.
The rest of the guide is filled with other useful information pertaining to issues such as roommates, transportation, road trips and even grocery shopping; there’s even a fun idea for a “vampire film fest” complete with “fake teeth, blood punch … and Nosteratu.” Don’t get too excited though?we haven’t even reached the best part. Oddly it’s not the section labeled “Networking” which reminds all in-coming first years that “any person you meet could be a possible hook-up,” a comment which I’m just going to let pass. Rather, it’s the diagramed section surounded by “Warning” labels.
For your convenience, Quick Study? has outlined the shape of a typical college student with easy to understand arrows illuminating various parts of the body with “pertinent” information. For example, a foot arrow warns you to “keep your feet on the ground”, because “unaccomplished goals become dreams” which quickly “disappear when you wake up in low-rent housing”. Although at Georgetown, low-rent housing can be both a dream and an unaccomplished goal.
Another arrow, which points to the genital area instructs “ladies and gents” that “an unwanted anything is about as serious as you can get.” The Jesuits tend to agree with that one, but you have to wonder?is a diagram really the best way to attack that issue?
After all is said and done though, I’d say that this particular Quick Study? guide is worth picking up, if for nothing else, than for continued ridicule. Not to mention, it’s probably the last free thing you’ll ever see at the bookstore.
