A month and a half after the Sept. 11 attack on the United States, the pop world descended on Washington, D.C. to put on the benefit concert to end all benefit concerts for the families of those who died that tragic day.
The event’s headliner was Michael Jackson, who hasn’t toured in the United States in over 10 years. This was reason enough to attend. However, Michael Jackson was not just a performer at this benefit concert. He organized the entire ordeal, gathering an incredibly diverse group of stars spanning in age from 12 to well over 60 and musical styles as divergent as the soulful Reverend Al Green to the scientifically formulated pop of *NSYNC. Not only that, but all of the proceeds from the concert went to charity, not just some paltry percentage after the performers filled their pockets, as is usually the case with these types of shows.
At about 2 p.m., the audience was enjoying the back end of Huey Lewis and the News. Though they aren’t exactly topping the charts these days, anyone who has seen Back To The Future at least knows the words to “The Power of Love” by heart. Huey Lewis was particularly rousing because of his apparent desire to look like Don Johnson circa Miami Vice. Tears were streaming from the faces of at least a few middle-aged women, moved by a middle-aged heart throb.
James Brown provided a highlight of the show, performing crowd pleasers such as “Living in America” and “Sex Machine.” However, the shining moment of James Brown’s performance was Brown’s soon-to-be-smash hit, “Killing is out, school is in.” The beauty of the song is that it not only promotes the benefits of education, but it also derides killing, thus having double the effect of a regular message song. Brown concluded the song by shouting emphatically, “Stay in school!” If this doesn’t convince you not to run away and join the circus, I don’t know what will.
Unfortunately, the concert was not all-powerful. John Stamos, who some of you may have known as Uncle Jessie on Full House and others of you may remember as the guy who asked you to spare him some change when you were leaving McDonald’s, was the magnificently underwhelming host of the concert. Is Stamos washed up? Apparently Arsenio Hall won’t even return his calls, the last time he was on television we were all wearing snap bracelets and he really does think it’s still cool to say, “Have mercy.” Stamos came close to ruining the concert for the entire crowd. After giving his speech about how proud he was to be an American, he asked the crowd what else he was supposed say. A real class act. Later on, he came out to introduce Michael Jackson. The entire crowd erupted in a frenzied uproar as he said, “Please welcome the King of Pop, Michael Jackson!” Stamos then stated that he was just kidding, that Michael really wasn’t coming out for another 10 minutes. The crowd began to boo in unison and obscenities were uttered that have no place in a newspaper such as this.
When Michael did come on at about midnight, the crowd was roused from their Goo Goo Dolls-induced slumber and produced the loudest cheering of the night, unless of course you count the ear-piercing screams of 13-year-old girls that accompanied *NSYNC’s performance.
MJ proceeded to perform one measly song, “Man in the Mirror,” before gathering all the stars on stage for the tribute song, “What More Can I Give.” Sadly, the tribute song was a bust, as hardly any of the microphones worked and no one seemed to know whose turn it was to sing. The only bright spot was watching Chris Tucker dance on stage like a drunken fool throughout the song. Apparently Michael Jackson did not realize that the 20,000 people who stuck around for four hours after the concert was supposed to end wanted to hear him sing more than one song.
As bitter as one may be about MJ, it’s really hard to complain about a concert where Puff Daddy (no way will I refer to him as P. Diddy) performs both a cover of “Born in the USA” and “I’ll Be Missing You” with an entire gospel choir in tribute to our lost compatriots.
We will probably never see a concert quite like United We Stand ever again. The only thing bigger than the talent of the performers at the concert was their egos, and you can bet that they don’t enjoy second billing to anybody. But the message rang true that day?America has the compassion to mourn the loss of so many and the courage to win a war that is fought as much within our hearts as it is on the battle field.
I also believe that Osama Bin Laden is living in the United States and that he goes by the name John Stamos. Dead or alive Stamos, your choice.
