Following in the tradition of such bizarre soundtracks as those of Spawn and Judgement Night, the Blade II soundtrack features pairings of artists who would never work together otherwise. Also in the tradition of those two soundtracks, Blade II is awful.
After the wannabe-Bond-music “Theme from Blade,” the album gets down to business with “Cowboy,” featuring Eve and Fatboy Slim. If songs on this soundtrack fall into two categories, “bad” and “embarrasingly horrible,” “Cowboy” is in the second camp. While Fatboy Slim bobs around in the background with one of his standard we’re-on-a-beach-and-I’m-drunk-at-2-p.m. beats, Eve drops rhymes that forge new territory for crappy, even in the context of her catalogue. “Where my bitches at?” indeed.
The Mos Def and Massive Attack collaboration is only “bad.” But that’s still a damn shame, because Mos is usually solid, and Massive has been in hibernation for years working on its next record, which hopefully sounds nothing like this track. For “I Against I,” Massive seem to have sent Mos a tape with an arbitrary beat they were working on recently. Not only are the track’s moods nowhere near as mature as most of Massive’s work, but they don’t work at all with Mos’ flow. He sounds naked under the bare-bones production, and it doesn’t complement him. If the lyrics on his next record are this bad, then he’s fallen off as far as Ice Cube.
Which brings us to our next track, the Ice Cube and Paul Oakenfold project “Right Here, Right Now.” “This right here is payback!” yells Ice Cube while Oakenfold tries to flex some DC101-style power-chords. Payback for misdeeds in a past life? If so, Ice Cube must have done some horrible things, because now he sounds like an idiot. The lyrics were cut-and-pasted from the rest of Cube’s catalogue.
For most of the middle of the disc, the collaborative pairings aren’t anywhere near as interesting as these first three, and the deluge of low quality continues with few interruptions. Check out “The One” to hear Busta rhyme “Us” with “Us” 3,429,723,947 times. But Cypress Hill’s MCs do get successfully stoned over a hot Roni Size beat on “Child of the West,” and the Groove Armada production for “Gangsta Queens” is breezily smooth, even thought the nasty verses from Trina and Rah-Digga are completely incongruous.
Redman drops some of the disc’s nicest rhymes on “Gorillaz On My Mind”?definitely Redman’s best work since How High. Midnite Madness’ own Bubba Sparxxx and bathtub amphetamine rockers The Crystal Method pair up for “PHDream,” which has characteristically squelchy synth lines and a gospel chorus. Nothing special?just bad. Unknown MC Volume 10 and Roni Size round out the midsection. The Size drum ‘n’ bass beat is solid once again, but Volume 10 sounds disoriented by the rhythms and keeps rapping when he should be quiet (and vice versa).
The last two collaborations are, like the first few, bizarrely fascinating. First, Mystikal and Moby pair up on “Gettin’ Aggressive.” Did Moby try to make him a vegan? Does Mystikal even speak English? “Maybe” and “No.” Moby’s production is a far cry from his work on Play, and Mystikal continues his I’m-crazy-and-frustrated lyrical theme from his last single, “Bouncin Back.”
The last song, “Cowboy,” finds the Basement Jaxx rehashing Eve’s verses from the disc’s second track of the same name. This time around, it’s a prime example of an attempt at mixing oil and water; their styles don’t jive at all, plus the lyrics still stink. Hopefully Blade II, the movie, is better than this.
