There’s a simple test that occurs every April, which serves as certifiable proof to the level of “sports nerditude” found in every fan in America. The signs of a high nerditude are easy to recognize. If you start slicking your hair back like Mel Kiper Jr., know Tulane quarterback Patrick Ramsey’s shoe size or can quote the bio of some defensive tackle from Hofstra, then you have fallen into the abyss of the NFL draft.
This Saturday and Sunday, 32 teams will wade through seven rounds filled with massive offensive guards from Tulsa, white-bread quarterbacks from the heartland and of course, wide receivers from Florida. The process will take about 17 hours; they will all be televised.
Most normal fans simply check in to the draft once in a while to see who their team has decided “was a player whom they had wanted all along,” in NFL Draft speak, and maybe watch the first hour or so, just to see the top picks. However, those with high nerditude may sit in front of the TV for those 17 hours and throw objects at the screen when the Cincinnati Bengals take Texas quarterback Major Applewhite in the sixth round, when in your opinion, Stanford QB Randy Fasani would have been a steal; scouts say that he has the better arm strength.
You may wonder how we here at the Sermon know so much about this level of sports nerditude. Well, we would like to admit here, for the first time, that we are recovering NFL Draft-addicts. In past years, the Sermon has been know to park an inflatable chair in front of the TV and rattle off the stats of also-rans such as ex-Northwest Louisiana cornerback Keith Thibodeaux right before he was drafted, (if you know who we’re talking about, then God have mercy on your soul). Fortunately, the Sermon has been cured of this disease, through the simple decision to find something more important to do.
We have found that there is always something better to do with our lives than watch 300-pound offensive linemen waddle up to the podium to shake NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue’s hand. Besides, the results of the draft are posted up to the second on ESPN.com. It’s better to spend a half-hour reading the draft picks at 4 a.m. on Saturday night then spend 10 hours in front of the TV to know the same thing.
The NFL Draft is a black hole. Don’t let it suck you in as it did us. You’ll thank us when you have spent your weekend watching 10 hours of the NBA playoffs instead.
