William “Hootie” Johnson is not a media-savvy guy. In fact, Hootie, the head of Augusta National Golf Club, the most famous golf course in the country and site of the Masters tournament, is a total idiot. Combine that with his penchant for talking loudly to anyone, and you’ve got a genuine media firestorm. It doesn’t help that it seems Hootie studied at the George Wallace Charm School for Southern Gentlemen.
In case you missed it, Martha Burk, leader of the National Council of Women’s Organizations, wrote a letter last June demanding that Augusta National allow women to join the club. Since Hootie isn’t the diplomatic type, instead of a tactful response like, “Thank you for sharing your concerns, Ms. Burk. Rest assured, the membership and I have taken the greatest interest in pursuing that eventuality. Please know your thoughts are much appreciated,” he came off more like, “Holy RC Cola! What the hell do you godless hippies think, you can tell us?a bunch of white males?what to do! Sorry Toots, go back to San Francisco!” That is not what Burk wanted to hear.
So began the most overblown and inane controversy in the sport since “Good Ole” Fuzzy Zoeller decided to spin some of his trademark folksy banter. Burk countered by pressuring advertisers to pull out from next year’s Masters coverage. “Not so fast!” said Hootie, who he parried by pulling all advertisements altogether. Foiled, Burk thought she could pressure the Professional Golfers’ Association of America to take the Masters somewhere else. Now Hootie can sit back and relax because Burk revealed just how clueless she is.
Most golf fans, probably even most golf dilettantes, know there’s no Masters without Augusta. The Masters is the only one of golf’s major championships, men’s and women’s, never to rotate among different courses. There’s never been a Masters anywhere but Augusta. It’s the biggest tradition in a tradition-soaked event?for chrissakes, the official slogan is “The Tradition Continues!” Not only that, but technically, the Masters isn’t even run by the PGA; it’s a invitational tournament run by Augusta National. The club owns the Masters name.
Infringe on that trademark, and it’ll be Hootie’s foot on your neck, not Joe PGA’s. All the PGA can do is refuse to count Masters winnings toward the official money count, and you can bet precisely zero percent of professional golfers will skip the Masters and its $1 million-plus purse just because the PGA won’t add it to the list. So, unless the PGA wants to host some event at Dysentery Creek Country Club in Perth Amboy, N.J., and call it “the Masterz,” not much is going to change.
The sad fact is, Burke’s just about out of stratagems. It undeniably sucks women can’t join the club, but Hootie’s right?no one can make Augusta National do anything, nor should they. People in this country have the constitutional right to free association, and to maintain those associations as they wish, as long as they remain private. The days of white-only country clubs are all but over, but it was public pressure, not legal action, that integrated them. And so it will be with Augusta National, only that Hootie’s made it known that he is less susceptible than most to pressure.
There is one thing Hootie can’t control about the Masters: the players. Problem here, too?the players don’t give a hootie. Until everyone from Tiger on down to Fuzzy decides this is an issue worth discussing, nothing will happen anytime soon. But for the time being, Tiger’s busy doing the ping-pong thing with his nine-iron, and Fuzzy’s still in the kitchen soaking the greens.
Now if only the guys could suck it up and have the guts to pull out from the Masters if Hootie continues to sit on his patootie. And then, right next to the rich white men at Augusta National, there will finally be some rich white women.
