Oh my God, you guys, isn’t eating great? I mean, food is so versatile! Unlike guys, who only think about sex all of the time, girls think about a lot of different things. I mean, there’s salty food, sweet food, “Thai” food … the list goes on and on. Sometimes I try not to think about food, but wouldn’t you know, every seven seconds my thoughts wander back to one thing: A porkchop-filled donut!
I mean, don’t get me wrong-I’m not like … fat or anything. God, that would be gross. But I just can’t seem to go a single day without thinking about sweet, sweet, chocolate taco pie. I know I’m not the only one, either, because whenever I get together with my girls, it isn’t long (seven seconds) before our mouths are full of fried sushi and fudge. We like to rent movies, make a bag of cotton candy, order a couple of pizzas, fry up some cheese, grab a few trucks of ice cream, stock up on soda, buy three or ten bags of chips and just chill. Sure, we gossip about guys and stuff, but it’s hard to talk when your mouth is crammed with beef stroganoff. To me, talk is cheap. True communication takes place in the depths of a food trance, surrounded by empty hershey boxes and shrimp tails and the motionless bodies of my similarly satiated friends.
I’m glad to see that the ladies haven’t let their love of eating get in the way of their quest for hot bodies. Just remember, every bucket full of mashed potatoes you consume translates to 10 extra minutes on the StairMaster. Those calories aren’t going to burn themselves! After I eat a package or two of raw bacon, I head straight to Yates. Sometimes I grab a coffee on the way- the caffeine gives me energy for my workout. The whole time I’m elliptical training my way to perfection, I’m thinking about my next meal and the fun bonding experience it will surely bring.
It’s super important that guys never find out that I like to eat. Most guys would be totally turned off if they found out that sometimes girls eat three meals a day, let alone seven. I don’t even want to think about their reaction if they saw me having a snack! So if I’m eating with a guy, I daintily nibble on a salad, even if I’m dreaming of turduckin. Imagine what a guy would think if he saw me in the middle of one of my late-night condiment splurges, when I’m downing gulps of whatever dressing happens to be in my reach and stuffing gerkins into my mouth as quickly as physically possible. Guys should never have to see two girls bare-knuckle box over the last package of Little Debbie Cakes. But girls just can’t control themselves when they get in a munchin’ mood.
Sure, every seven seconds or so we give each other knife wounds over frozen meat, but I never feel closer to my friends than when we stay up late at night eating sticks of butter and talking about the South Beach diet and lemon-flavored Diet Coke. Even though we’re all thinking about finding husbands and graduating and stuff and we might soon go our separate ways, we’ll always have these moments to feed us together.
