We’ve all been there. Sunday morning-an empty bottle of Jack, piles of cigarette butts, Lord knows whose dirty underwear, a convulsing hooker, Manny and Olga’s pizza boxes, a broken crack pipe-wait a second, Manny and Olga’s? You were clearly hammered last night.
They are everywhere: the takeout dives that turn 95 percent of their profit between 2:00 and 2:30 am. And nowhere are they more prevalent than in college towns. While the exact food items vary by campus, the phrase “only when you’re drunk” is as universal as the regret that inevitably follows.
“They’re actually really good,” a University of Vermont alum says of the Gravy Fries at Nectar’s, the Burlington club where Phish got their start. “That is, until you have a bad experience with them.”
The scene at the club, however, confirms that these “bad experiences” are more common than one would think. The street outside is littered with oblong Styrofoam trays half-filled with thick, steak-cut fries and the dark, oily gravy that the fries come swimming in. The fries are thick enough and the gravy greasy enough that the fries don’t become soggy. But at closing time, the unappetizing combo of splattered leftover gravy and a regurgitated version of the very same dish that coats the sidewalks is enough to turn anyone back to the typical pizza or burgers.
Burgers are the default food of choice at any college, whether the students are boozing or not. At the University of Virginia, though, this student staple gets an inebriated twist at the local dive, The White Spot. While there is plenty of typical greasy-spoon fare on the menu, it is the Gus Burger, a cheeseburger topped with a fried egg and any fixing one might desire, that especially resonates with the post-bar partiers. This hole in the wall is standing room only and is inevitably packed each evening from about midnight till its 2:30 a.m. close, with nearly every student drunkenly ordering the infamous burger. Cheesier than most, the bun absorbs the yolk, which inevitably breaks when you bite into the thick patty. The mushy and drippy sandwich has a tendency to stick to the roof of your mouth like a PB&J and soothingly coats the angriest stomach. And, like the gravy on Nectar’s fries, most of the egg can be found on the sidewalk the next morning.
There is no real Georgetown equivalent, although the sea of grease surrounding campus provides ample late night options, each with a dish or two suitable only for the drunkest evenings. Nothing but far too much pre-gaming could motivate me to say, not to mention order, the Wingos Woody Dog: two hot dogs covered in chili, cheddar and onions with fries and a soda. Now if that doesn’t end up on the sidewalk the next morning, you definitely didn’t drink enough last night.
