The plots of all dating reality television shows are pretty much the same—20 or so woman who are all trying to win the love and affection of one lucky bachelor. But the reality show Flavor of Love is different from any other dating show on television, because the lucky bachelor is none other than Public Enemy’s Flava Flav.
The sheer ridiculousness of the concept that someone would find Flava attractive initially turned me off from the show, but somehow I found myself watching. The “lovely ladies” competing on the show resembled prostitutes, strippers and various other ladies of the night. When clothes were present they were minimal and trashy. The hair and nails were fake and glued on. Upon meeting his ladies, Flav adored them with fake names such as “Hoopz,” “Honey” and “Red Oyster.”
Although the women were enough to keep audiences entertained for a hour, Flava Flav outdid them all. In the first episode he showed up in a hot pink tux, corn-rolls in his hair, grillz shinning and an enormous shining clock adorning his skinny neck. This man is what the “winner” of the show would get to take home as their prize.
Each episode featured its share of catfights, nudity and dates with Flav. Flav brought in numerous guests, including his mother and Bridgette Nielson. These guests were used to test the girls’ devotion to Flav by having them perform various tasks. In one episode the girls were asked to prepare a meal for Flav and his mother. The moment that Honey put the frozen chicken in a microwave for 15 minutes I knew that Flavor of Love was indeed television at it’s finest.
Elimination was by far the best part of each episode. The ladies lined up in their trashiest apparel and awaited their impeding fate.
In the finale it came down between Hoopz and New York. New York declared from the beginning that she loved Flav and wasted no time making friends with the other girls in the house who were trying to move in on “her man.” Hoopz was one of the few girls on the show who appeared somewhat normal and was genuinely pretty. Any doubts that the show was staged disappeared when both contestants were taken to a Los Angeles boutique and picked out pretty much the same dress. No one could script television this bizarre but at the same time captivating.
In the end Hoopz triumphed over New York. Flav presented her with a set of gold-plated grillz. The new couple kissed and then smiled for the camera. I was unable to focus on anything but their dental hardware. Hoopz had won, and she did it with a level of respect. For once in reality TV history the girl who holds herself to some kind of standard was selected as the winner. Is it possible that Flava Flav has set a new standard for reality television? If Flava can see beyond the hair extensions and makeup why can’t the bachelor? These “serious” reality TV stars could take notes from Flava Flav and learn a few things.
