Your guide to getting busy on the lawn

May 3, 2007

The weather is warm and finals season is ripe for slacking off. Even if you’re sick of getting hit in the face with a passing Frisbee, or not pretentious enough to know the difference between a stick of wood and a croquet mallet, there’s still room on the lawn for some creative tomfoolery. So sit back, unlace your Converse and behold the wonders of freshly mowed grass.

Shoe Golf
“While the origins of Shoe Golf are a subject of much debate, we know it was developed and popularized in southern California in the mid 1980s, but was quickly eclipsed by the subsequent crazes in skateboarding and break-dancing which, it turned out, were much more dangerous to participants but much less dangerous to innocent passersby.”—Nate Goldman (COL ’09)
To play, you’ll need two or more people, a pair of lace-up sneakers and an open area. Choose a target (tree, building, etc) a few hundred feet away. Untie one of your shoes and swing your leg towards the target, flinging the shoe near the “hole.” The player with the fewest number of shoe flings to hit the target wins.

“Accordion players? So hot right now.” —Paris Hilton.

Accordion fest
“Personally, free accordion concerts should be a favorite pastime for any upstanding American citizen. To men, a fine day on the lawn is always conducive to a tasteful all-accordion revue.”—Al Haddad (COL ’09)
You need an accordion and a substantial audience (if you want to look professional). Talent is optional, but if you’re decent, you might want to put out a tin can and take advantage of the generous onlookers. You can always donate the proceeds to a worthy cause, like Darfur or that hot dog you’ll be craving from squeezing the box all day.

Lawn Pirates
The object of Lawn Pirates is to hijack an occupied spot on the lawn. First, pick a particularly happy looking group of people and sit near them, but not uncomfortably close. Slowly creep nearer a few inches at a time. Every time someone joins your band of pirates, have them sit on the side closest to the group you’re hijacking. Talk loudly and obnoxiously, throw things that ‘accidentally’ hit the other group, and lie down almost on their blanket. When they finally get disgusted and move, sit in their spot a few minutes before dispersing.— Shira Hecht (COL ’10)

Environmental Chicks Dig It
“I take my plant out, I bring it some water and we read together.”—Michael Keller (COL ‘09)
If you forgot that the flowers you bought to adorn your room aren’t indigenous to your sunless dorm, the lawn is a great place to show your plant you really care. Also, it’s a great way to impress that girl you’ve been staring at in your environmental studies class. Just don’t read aloud to the plant, or she’ll think you’re a creep.

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