Lotus Lounge, a newish nightclub downtown, recently invited me to check out a promotion, “Choose the POTUS at Lotus.” The club has come up with a signature cocktail for every presidential candidate, ranging from the banal—a brown drink for recent drop-out Senator Sam Brownback, Tanqueray for Representative Tom Tancredo—to the weirdly inspired—Representative Dennis Kucinich’s drink is peach-flavored to commemorate the perennial candidate’s desire to impeach Vice President Dick Cheney.
I contemplated a visit, but happy hour ends at 7:30. After that, it’s a $20 cover and drinks starting at $12 and up. Or a table with a minimum spend of $500 (hey, that’s just two $275 bottles of Maker’s Mark …). That’s just not going to cut it on this student’s drinking budget.
But Hoyas already have a monopoly on combining heavy drinking with political bluster. Can’t we do better a job of assigning each presumptive president a tipple of choice? Hereafter follows my attempt to reconfigure Lotus’ menu to be more palatable to the undergraduate.
Senator Hillary Clinton. Lotus Drink: The Hillartini, just a cosmopolitan—”pink and feminine, yet strong and bold.”
Georgetown equivalent: The keg. Sure, she’s been battered and dented since the ‘90s, but her efficient staff and massive fundraising makes it possible for her to provide the most suds to the masses. Democratic primary voters might get tired of the same old lager, but at the end of the day it’s the tried and true option that brings people back weekend after weekend.
Senator Barack Obama. Lotus Drink: The Obama-rama. “Malibu rum and tropical fruit mixers because Obama lived in Hawaii.”
Georgetown equivalent: The gin and tonic. Obama attracts the idealists among us, those who dream of better days (and better drinks), so the classy G&T represents the politics of hope. The old-school cocktail reminds us of Obama’s schooling from equally old-school Chicago pols and the marvelous drunks in the Kennedy family with whom he is often compared. Plus, quinine has miraculous healing abilities, just like the Illinois Senator.
Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Lotus Drink: The Giuliani. It’s an apple martini, Giuliani was mayor of the Big Apple, get it?
Georgetown equivalent: The bottomless bottles of Anisette and Sambuca you receive after a meal at local Italian staple Filomena (1063 Wisconsin Ave.) reminds you of Giuliani’s Italian heritage, and also the easy comparisons with Mussolini. Sure, he cleaned up New York, but how much of this all-stick-no-carrot leader do you need? Incidentally, does anyone actually enjoy Anisette?
Governor Mitt Romney. Lotus Drink: The Romney. A mixture of fruit juices and soda, as the Mormon Romney doesn’t drink.
Georgetown equivalent: Water. Sure, it’s bland, like the cardboard cut-out Gov, but it’s healthy, just like his state’s universal health-care plan. Just don’t remind conservative primary voters about his pro-choice and pro-gay rights stance, or this tall drink of water will be forgotten, like all non-alcoholic drinks on a Saturday night.
Think you can do a better job matching the politician with their pitcher? Send your best picks to thevoice@georgetown.edu and we’ll post them on our blog (blog.georgetownvoice.com).
