Around 11:20 last Tuesday night, I extricated myself from the celebration in Sellinger to check on the status of Proposition 8, the ballot measure that sought to ban gay marriage in California. As I scrolled through the election results on CNN.com, I felt like I was being punched in the gut with gray clouds closing in on my Democratic euphoria. “Ban on gay marriage in Arizona”-CNN predicts “yes.” “Ban on gay marriage in Florida”-predicted “yes.” “Ban on gay marriage in California”-still counting, but looks like a yes. Again and again, rights denied, unfair divisions imposed, equality rejected.
But the one that hurt the most was a measure I hadn’t even known was on the books. Act 1 in Arkansas, “Ban on gays adopting children”-called as a “yes.”
I was utterly shocked. Proposition 8 was sad; it seemed so likely to be blocked, but this was just incomprehensible to me. Act 1 fundamentally does not provide any benefit, to anyone.
Under this new act, “a minor may not be adopted or placed in a foster home if the individual seeking to adopt or serve as a foster parent is cohabiting with a sexual partner outside of a marriage which is valid under the constitution and laws of this state,” a state which, I need hardly remind you, banned gay marriage in 2004. The act goes on to point out, specifically, that “the foregoing prohibition applies equally to cohabiting opposite-sex and same-sex individuals.”
I’m not going to debate gay rights or the definition of marriage here or engage in some complicated discussion of nature versus nurture or of genetics versus environment. I’ll even set aside for the moment how disturbing it is that Arkansas’ government feels it has any right to know about the “sexual partners” of a consenting adult. At this point, I am going to make one simple request, one made by many people before me: think of the children.
In 2006, there were 3,700 foster children in Arkansas. Shouldn’t every single one of them have the parents, the family, the stability, and the care they deserve, regardless of who provides it? Are there really enough straight, married couples willing to take in all of these children, enough good homes just waiting for a child to live in, that we should deny potential parents the ability to make a difference? Don’t these children have the right to something as basic as a family, and a parent who will support them, love them, listen to them? Doesn’t that transcend what people do behind closed doors? Even if you don’t believe gays deserve equal rights, even if you believe their lives are ultimately sinful, isn’t a sinful parent, one who will care for a child, look after a child, let that child exist as him or herself, better than no parent at all?
What is especially frightening about this act is the return to an old, incorrect, and ultimately destructive way of thinking: the idea that you can “teach” gayness, that it can somehow be caught. Five minutes of thought will disabuse most people of this notion. Gay people are born into straight families. In fact, most gay people are the product of heterosexual unions. Why should we believe that the only way to become gay is to be raised in a gay household? There is no evidence that the children of gay parents are any more likely to be gay than those born to heterosexual couples. (And, of course, even if they were, what would be the problem with more gay children?)
Act 1 denies people the ability to have a family for the sake of “family values.” People involved in the fight to prevent gay marriage talk of the sanctity of marriage, of the children, of the American nuclear family. It’s time to recognize that this idea of family is only one of many possible realities, and that as America changes and evolves, the concept of “family” changes and evolves as well, providing love and care in new and different, but no less valid, ways.
In light of the disheartening results of this election in terms of gay rights, there has been a lot of talk of battles and wars. Yes, they say, we lost these battles, but we’re winning the war. Perceptions of homosexuality are undergoing a generational shift-people who know a gay person are much more likely to support gay rights and gay marriage, and the younger someone is, the more likely they are to know an openly gay person. History is on our side, and progress and change are coming. The war will be won.
There are lots of brave people in Arkansas working on fighting Act 1, and it will probably fall sometime in the near future. But in this case, that’s not enough. The years it will take for this war to be won are years that a child will spend shuttled from house to house, in group homes or unsuitable environments, rather than placed with a loving, if “unmarried” couple. Those are years we can’t get back. The war will be won, but it cannot happen fast enough. For too many children in Arkansas, November 4th was a sad day.
Almost everyone on this planet believes in one thing-human beings deserve to, and should, love and be loved-as parents, as children, as friends, as siblings, as lovers, and as husband or wife. Act 1 denies that truth. I hope Arkansas will see that, and soon.
Florida bans gay adoption by law. It also defines marriage both by law and through Amendment 2, so the amendment was an unnecessary and hateful addition.