Perhaps the only bright side to the degradation of the Earth’s atmosphere—besides, of course, a prolonged but double-edged tanning season—is the on-the-rise holiday known as Earth Day. Unlike St. Patrick’s Day, which is for the Irish and people drunk enough to think they are Irish, and Valentine’s Day, which is for couples who need a designated holiday to get anything out of their partners, Earth Day is for everyone! The only qualification is that you can’t be an alien. I will refrain from making distasteful jokes about illegal immigrants and Martians.
As the imperial center of the planet, Washington, D.C., is hosting a number of exciting and not-so-exciting ways to spend your Earth Day. I’ll begin with the unappealing so that this article is not as anticlimactic as our planet’s imminent destruction.
Saturday, April 18
The National Zoo (8 a.m.-12 p.m.)
The National Zoo believes that making the planet eco-friendly means cleaning up after their trash—for free! Come get your hands dirty in the name of the Earth by waking up early on a Saturday morning and picking up aluminum cans, snack wrappers, and other remnants of overpriced, low-quality food sold at their concession stands. Learn the complex process of sorting recyclables from trash, which will likely end up in the same landfill because the rate of consumption vastly outweighs the recyclable goods market.
Bladensburg Waterfront Park, Bladensburg, MD (12-2 p.m.)
If the idea of waking up early and cleaning doesn’t perturb you, the Anacostia River is never short on trash that needs to be picked up. With over 20,000 tons of trash, debris, and the occasional corpse floating down the river each year, there’s not shortage on eco-fun. The 15th Annual Anacostia River Cleanup & Earth Day Celebration will take place in 20 sites around D.C., and Montgomery and Prince George’s Counties. You also get a free tote bag, free food, and the promise of some entertainment, although the acts have yet to be announced.
Sunday, April 19
National Mall (12-6 p.m.)
For those who prefer to celebrate Earth Day with a natural herbal supplementation, bring your brownies to the National Mall for some free music. The Flaming Lips, DJ Spooky, and the Howard University Drum Line are among the performers this year. If you can’t get enough of those “Save the Environment Summer Job” solicitors or you’re looking for a low-wage entry-level job, there will be over 50 non-profits, government agencies, and businesses looking to recruit.
