Pop quiz, hot shot. It’s the day before Christmas and, as usual, you haven’t bought a single gift. If you try to buy everyone thoughtful gifts, you will run out of time. If you buy nothing, you lose friends. What do you do? What do you do?
This is not a guide to buying wonderful gifts that will be cherished by your loved ones. These are the three steps to follow when it has come down to the wire and desperation trumps consideration.
First, the vetting process. Not everyone deserves a gift. It would be nice if you could make the whole world smile, but you can’t. Instead, you need to consider who will torment you the most if they do not receive a gift.Remember to factor in geographical proximity. If you have an aunt expecting a gift but will not be seeing her until New Year’s, hold off. You can save some money at after-Christmas sales.
If you completed step one properly, the only people left on your list should be those with whom you have deep, nuanced relationships. Now, forget all that. For last minute shopping, you need to distill that person down to one word. For example, think “Matt likes _______.” If the blank is music, go to a record store. If the blank is anything more complicated, go to the bookstore. They have books about everything.
Last, you need to cross-reference your list from step one with the money you are willing to spend. Given how late it is, this is probably the sum total of what you have in your wallet. Divide that money up according to how much you value each person’s friendship. Take this calculation, and find a product available in that price range from the categories determined in step two. Purchase.
Bonus! If you are a freshman, you have a free pass. Go to the bookstore and purchase everyone you know Georgetown gear. But remember, you only get to do this once.
Following these steps will ensure you a mediocre holiday and some obligatory thank yous. And frankly, if you have to follow these steps, that’s really all you deserve.
