This past week, the dark cloud of mortality descended upon Georgetown. Left in a state of shock and mourning, the community pondered the cruelty and fleeting nature of life. Yes, Hoyas, it’s true. Philly Pizza has been shut down. The merciless Advisory Neighborhood Commission has robbed the student body of a tradition as deep-seated as Jack the Bulldog himself: the drunken slice of overpriced, subpar pizza, smothered in ranch and enjoyed semi-coherently while sitting on a sidewalk. But in these trying times, it’s important for students to remember that life always goes on. It’s now up to us to find the next social epicenter where we can satisfy our alcohol-induced munchies and piss off a whole new set of neighbors.
To some, the obvious next-best choice is Philly’s former neighbor, Quick Pita. Everyone already knows where it is, and its distance is totally manageable, even for those having difficulty walking a straight line. The food is cheap enough, and the filler options offer some much-needed variety. But Quick Pita’s lacks the mass-appeal necessary to attain drunk-food supremacy. There are already plenty who don’t like falafel or hummus when their minds and stomachs are at normal capacity. If those people happen to stumble into Quick Pita at 2 a.m. on a Friday night, the thought of garlicky Middle Eastern food might be enough to send them right back out to the sidewalk.
The Quick Pita conundrum raises an important aspect of Phillys’ success: when you’re drunk and hungry, you can’t go wrong with pizza. It’s crucial that the next hotspot for Georgetown munchies provide a cheap, fast, late-night slice. If you’re up for a hike to Wisconsin Avenue, you’ll find quite the selection of post-midnight pizza joints. Manny and Olga’s is inexpensive, open until 5 a.m., and delivers just as late if walking isn’t your thing. The pizza has a satisfying thick crust and plenty of cheese, but the overall flavor makes Philly’s taste like quality. Plus you have to get a whole pie rather than just a slice, but if it’s past four and you desperately need your pizza fix, it’s worth splitting with your friends (or engorging the whole thing by yourself, if you dare). Al Cappuccino’s is also open and delivers until the wee hours. Taste-wise it’s slightly better than most late-night pizza joints, but at a heftier price. And let’s face it, nobody wants to spend too much on food they can barely taste to begin with.
But with all the highly-scientific components of drunken fourth-meals taken into careful consideration, it seems the pizzeria destined to become Phillys’ successor is Tuscany Café. Located on Prospect St. just around the corner from our beloved, now-deceased pizza place, Tuscany’s real estate is perfect for a wobbly walk from campus. The slices are big and reasonably priced, and it’s open till 3:30 a.m. on weekends. Plus, with its diminutive size and slightly-sketchy storefront, it’s the closest to what we’re used to.
This weekend will be a somber one for us all. But when it’s two in the morning and your stomach begins to demand more from you than just Leo’s and Natty Light, rest assured that there’s still somewhere out there that can ease your pain. Just make sure to bring your own ranch.