In many cultures, a casual hello is expected during sidewalk run-ins, a wave across the bar to a classmate is the norm, and even a smile to a current fling wouldn’t be out of the ordinary. But at Georgetown we suppress the wave, the hello, the smile. We walk with heads held high and cell phones held higher, not because we really have so many people to text or call, but because the cell phone is a barricade behind which we feign ignorance to passing glances and mumbled hellos. When we see someone we casually know, we meet them with the flicker of our phone’s backlight and clicking fingers. In passing, we do just about anything to avoid eye contact.
While buzzing cell phones and the five minutes until class rush provide worthy scapegoats to the lack of greeting, I believe that our silence is actually rooted in narcissism. What we have to do today is important. We’re busy, too busy, to say hello. So we stuff our hands deeper into our pockets or we nonchalantly text a message that could easily be sent at a later time, because, like so many of our peers around us, we are busy, important, and rushed. In doing so, we exude the very arrogance we find so off-putting in others. Like much narcissistic behavior, our absent greetings are really a form of insecurity: we’re afraid that our waves, our nods, and our hellos will be met by silence. Thus, we perpetuate the very behavior we at first criticize.
In the past, greetings were meant to check up on people and to welcome them, but it seems that now greetings are only given when they serve our best interest. We say hello to current professors but fail to recognize previous ones. We say hello to a classmate we might be working with or someone we expect a favor from later, but we don’t acknowledge the people whose presence in our lives has already come and gone. We slide past them, silently, and in doing so make it clear that they are no longer important to us.
Although the self-absorbed sidewalk scene is not unique to Georgetown, it was one of the first things that struck me as an incoming Hoya. At the expense of sounding like a loud and proud Texan, I will say that at home we say hello to just about every acquaintance. It would be rude not to. In doing so, we foster an environment where strangers and newcomers feel welcome, rather than an environment where strangers are overwhelmed by the anxiety of who to address and how. Although the north versus south stereotype is often overstated, I will admit that I do experience this phenomenon when traveling through cities on the East Coast. I am always refreshed when I step off the plane in Dallas and am consistently greeted by a stranger asking how my trip was or how I am doing. The formulaic “hellos” and “how are yous” may seem insincere, but the act of greeting each other is important in making us aware of the people around us. It makes us acknowledge that the lives they lead, though separate from our own, are equal in importance. Ultimately, these seemingly trivial conversations enable us to drop our guard and develop a sense of camaraderie, albeit short-lived, with our fellow man. Some of the most eye opening conversations of my life have occurred with strangers on a plane, when I take the time to unplug from my iPod and just listen. Sometimes there’s nothing more powerful than the conversations that ensue with strangers who we’ve barely met. You might be surprised how open you become once you break the initial barrier of hello.
Unfortunately, in acclimating to my new collegiate environment, I conformed. I quickly learned that at Georgetown it’s best to keep to oneself while walking. I noticed this when, upon returning home, I was criticized for my newfound “Yankee” tendencies. I now sometimes hesitate before returning a greeting, and even then I am prepared to pretend my slight wave was merely an act of tucking my hair behind my ear, in an effort to save face if necessary.
What stands out the most is not the absence of the response, the hello, or the casual smile and nod, but rather our overall ignorance of this absence. In a generation so unaccustomed to silence, constantly overwhelmed by the static of music and television, it is curious that we somehow have lost our desire to speak spontaneously. In our efforts to maintain our daily soundtrack and keep the impending silence at bay, we have unconsciously atrophied our ability to speak fluidly. Are we so insecure and self-involved that we can only meet eye contact with a quiet “hi” and downcast countenance?
Ultimately, in our hesitance to greet our peers, we unconsciously perpetuate the cycle of arrogant self-interest. This arrogance, albeit rather subtle, speaks volumes. While a greeting consists of few words, it is both a sign of respect and a signal of welcoming for future encounters. The absence of hello, therefore, can be viewed as a sign of disrespect and disinterest. The smile and wave across Red Square can often be a determining factor in new friendships. With the majority of our opinions based on first impressions, the initial greeting is crucial. It’s precisely for this reason that our parents encourage us to have strong handshakes and make eye contact when we meet new people. A strong greeting is a mark of strong character, confidence, and above all, a mark of open-mindedness and welcoming.
While expecting a sea of waves in Red Square is a bit idealistic, it might be nice to have our greetings met with un-pocketed, cell phone-free hands. Maybe if we stopped using our cell phones as a crutch for awkward situations and uncomfortable run-ins, we might actually find that saying hello isn’t such a chore. We might even find that it’s pleasant to recognize those around us rather than skirt past them in an attempt to go unnoticed.
