Arsenal: The Beautiful, Crazy Girl Next Door

October 8, 2015

Photo Credits: Wikimedia user DSanchez17

This past Sunday,  the beautiful girl you’ve been pursuing for the past few years finally attended that dance with you. This past Sunday, the girl decided to finally open up to you about her feelings for you, telling you that even though she’s toyed with your emotions for years, she’s finally come to terms with the fact that she likes you back.

If you are an Arsenal fan, you probably experienced similar euphoria last Sunday when you watched the Gunners dismantle Manchester United with three goals in the first twenty minutes of the match. The pure beauty of Alexis Sanchez’s flick past DeGea, coupled with his laser into the top right corner, left you scrambling through the web for the biggest Alexis FatHead the Internet could muster. Watching Theo Walcott dominate up top and feed Mesut Ozil for his sweeping goal left you wondering why Walcott was wasting his time on the wings for the last few years. Petr Cech’s performance, including his fantastic block on Martial, left you wondering how Arsenal was even able to qualify for the Champions League with Szczesny in the net.

Nonetheless, despite the fact that Arsenal’s dominant performance may have had you thinking “we’re the best team in the Premier League” or “we’re going to turn things around and compete for a Champions League title this season,” you begin to realize a harsh reality: your emotional attachment to the Gunners is too similar to your relationship with the girl next door.

Even though you feel happy with her, you begin to reconsider your complex feelings towards her. Is this girl really that great? You think about all the times that she let you down, even though you faithfully stood by her side. You think about all the times that she could have done something nice for you, all the while you’ve always gone the extra mile for her. But for some reason, you stuck by, willing to give into her every whim, with the hope that one day your relationship would blossom into something beautiful and your love would be requited.

Following the fantastic win against a Manchester United team that has looked solid in the last few weeks, you think about the pain that Arsenal has caused you recently.

Could this team really be the same one that succumbed to Dinamo Zagreb 2-1?

The same team that could not put Chelsea away, even as they suffer their worst start in recent memory?

Those same Gunners that for the last decade has been a lock to finish no better than third place in the BPL?

But your history with the girl next door hasn’t been all negative, you tell yourself. She has done some pretty awesome things for you. She surprised you with a few last minute gifts that reminded you of how great she could be to you. She is pretty consistently the best option amongst all of the girls in your neighborhood. Plus, after nine years of knowing her, this girl finally got you a really nice t-shirt, a t-shirt that you can show off to all of your friends, even though you all know you would really like to have more than just a lousy t-shirt.

Somehow, Arsenal has managed to let you down, but just not enough for you to consider to leave. Alexis Sanchez and Mesut Ozil really were nice gifts. Personally, even though Arsene Wenger is frustratingly frugal, at least he got you something to keep you happy. And, I mean it could be worse – you really could be a Tottenham fan. Their regular fifth place finishes and endless cycle of managers could make their way into your weekend routine instead, and would be a lot more depressing. Also, even though the trophy-less drought was a pretty rough stretch, winning the FA cup the last two years has been pretty cool. A few cups is much better than no cup at all, right?

But after all these years, you deserve more. Maybe today she told how much she liked you, but what happens tomorrow? Does she change her mind and take back what she said? Does she realize how much she hates commitment and ask you never to talk to her again? There’s no way to tell, but you realize you don’t care as much as you thought. She still fascinates you, and for now you’re going to hold on to her as long as you can, because you’re in love and can’t imagine being with anyone else.

The same applies to the fans of the Arsenal. Do we deserve more after all of these years? Absolutely. But things like the Manchester United win remind us of why we love Arsenal so much.

Is Arsenal the crazy, beautiful, perfect girl who can’t make up her mind and drives you to the brink of insanity/feeling like every weekend you should hit up the psychiatric ward?

Of course she is, but at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter, because you couldn’t give up on her if you tried. Instead, you bite your tongue when she makes you angry and you resist damaging living room furniture when she lets you down time after time, because you hope that someday, somehow, she’ll make you realize why you fell in love with her in the first place.


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