I frequently fall victim to Instagram ads. From “accidentally” clicking links on Stories to scrolling through Reels that are precisely curated to my aesthetic, my bank account has definitely seen better days. One late night in September, after ignoring my screen-time limit one too many times, my algorithm served me the magnum opus of my online shopping: an oversized hoodie with the words “I love you, say it back” in bright blue lettering splashed across the front. I was quick to order it, and even quicker to regret the $70 leaving my checking account. But, as I tracked every step of its journey to the Georgetown mailroom, I couldn’t have been more excited.
I grew up in an “I love you” family; the kind that ended every phone call, every departure from the house, and every night with these three important words. Some of my earliest memories are sitting in the big rocking chair in my bedroom, listening to my mom read “You are My I Love You,” a children’s book by Maryann K. Cusimano, and telling me again and again how much she loved me. Hearing and saying the phrase daily, I grew up knowing that I was loved.
On a college tour my sophomore year of high school, I sat quietly in the back of a church service in Santa Clara, California, drifting in and out of attention, which is how I spend most masses. When the priest made his way in front of the altar to deliver his sermon, he proclaimed: “We should all tell one another every day how much we love each other.” Continuing on, he emphasized the importance of telling everyone, not just family, how much we love and appreciate them. I realized in that moment that love didn’t have to stop with just my family.
Although I was confident that I was loved by my family and friends, I failed to recognize all the little things we do for one another that are considered love.
Turns out I’m not the first one to figure this out: The Ancient Greeks defined up to seven distinct words to describe that feeling, each of which represent a facet of what we now place under the umbrella of love. While “Eros” highlighted the passion and intimacy associated with romantic love, “Agape” and “Philia” referred to love more broadly. “Philia” was used to describe the close bond between friends—the feeling you get after reuniting after a long time and being able to pick up where you left off. Even self-love, or “Philautia,” had a place in the Greek language; healthy Philautia made it possible for one to express the more outward types of love. These distinctions help us to more concretely understand all the ways in which we love, even if all of these words are summarized into the one word today.
Back home to Chicago I had a new lease on life, making it my goal to tell one person a day how much I loved and appreciated them, in whichever ways I could. This turned out to be an exciting challenge as I found myself eager to check off all the different ways to say “I love you,” crafting a thoughtful way to express my love for each person. Beyond saying these three words, everything from checking in on a friend to buying someone a meal, or even simply asking how someone is doing, love is around us constantly.
Surprisingly, I was slightly nervous, as if it was embarrassing to be perceived as caring more than the other person. But I realized that in doubting myself, I was neglecting the people who held my life together in small, invisible ways. So, I carried on.
It started with making an active effort to reach out to my friends, making plans to hang out one-on-one, or calling just to check in. Soon, my week was filled with Google Calendar invites for meals, movie nights, and catch-up convos. As time went on, I realized that I was not only helping to brighten other people’s day but also, in turn, my own by making an active effort to appreciate all the people I cared about.
There’s no shortage of language for romantic love. We build entire industries around it—movies, music, holidays, jewelry. Even casual dating comes with its own rules: who texts first, how to make it official, when you say “I love you.” But the kind of love that comes with our friendships is often left unsaid.
When the “I love you say it back” hoodie arrived, I realized the back featured its own list of ways to express one’s love. From “text me when you get home,” to “thinking of you,” or “have a safe flight,” I realized how these little phrases represent love. Our lives are filled with little moments where we express our care for one another. Even if we are not explicitly saying “I love you”, by saying or receiving these little phrases, like the ones on the sweatshirt, we are reassured of the love that is constantly around us.
As I continued to make an active effort to express my love to my friends, not only did I feel more love in my life, I was better supported by those who cared for me in the difficult times.
This past year—as I unfortunately faced the dreaded situationship breakup, not once, not twice, but three times—I drained my social battery that I need to maintain these usual expressions of love. Suddenly I was canceling lunches last minute, spending my free time in my room, and eating meals at home alone. I was entirely burned-out, looking at my friends in relationships and feeling unlovable, and unable to get past the heartbreak I was feeling.
Despite this feeling of isolation, the ‘i love yous’ found their way back to me. From long phone calls, walks along the waterfront, surprise coffees in class, and quiet moments of listening, I felt deeply loved at a time when I struggled to feel worthy of it. Through the love and support of everyone in my life, from class acquaintances to my closest friends, I was able to get back on my feet, finding stability in the small ways people continued to show up for me.
And this is why I, Hannah Beil, believe that it is not only cute and fun to tell everyone how much we love them, but is vital to our own mental health and the mental health of others. While it doesn’t get as much airtime as romantic love, platonic love is just as, or maybe even more important. So, send that GCal invite, type that text, call at weird hours, sit and listen to your friend a little longer, and say ‘I love you.’ Oh, what a joy it is to get the chance to love!
