Page 13 Cartoons
Last December, Gusa passed SAFE reform, freeing up the $3.4 million previously allocated to the Student Activities Fee Endowment. We at the Voice understand the importance of careful consideration when allocating University money, and would like a voice in the proceedings.
We all had fathers. We all had brothers. We all had sisters. Of course, we all had mothers. We all had cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents. Hell, we all had children, sons and daughters both. That’s the only thing you think of in the classroom. It’s all that’s in your head when you straighten your gig line, shine your shoes, adjust your hat so it’s just above your eyebrows.
In the wake of the Metropolitan Police Department's recent seizure of more than a dozen fake ID's at Third Edition last week, there has been growing concern regarding the increased quality of forgeries. The Voice has received access to some recently confiscated fakes, and will present them to help local alcohol distributors identify falsified information.
It’s a rare condition this day and age to read any good news on the newspaper page. Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman, the paperboy, evening T.V. And you knew who you were then; girls were girls and men were men … Guys like us we had it made, those were the days.
For a few years now, this had been Shoshanna’s greatest fear, dying utterly alone in bed, having only ever had pathetic, unfinished dreams of what it’s like to be kissed, caressed, held, or loved. Often times this feeling has plagued her; she has a hole in her chest, a vulnerable soft spot aching to be filled, or just touched for a brief moment of eternity.
Jeffrey, stop that. We talked about this.” His mother’s quick hiss was harsh and familiar, and Jeff reflexively looked down at his arm. He hadn’t even realized he’d been slowly digging his fingernails into his flesh, but he never did. It was a nervous habit as old as he could remember, one of many, but this one most frequently came out to play during these traditional Whitman family Sunday brunches at the club.
The very first television game show, Spelling Bee, was broadcast in 1938. Did you know that? I didn’t. The very first word written for the entertainment of others was too long before my time. Darkness. I stand in darkness. Why am I standing? What am I leaning into? I am laying my arms gently upon some sort of podium.
He was a sculptor. His body was found on the shore the next morning. Overnight, frost crystallized on the ends of his hair, his lips, the inside of his ear, his nostrils, his forefingers, his chipped fibula cracking through wax paper skin. The coroner said that the impact wasn’t enough to kill him outright, but that he had a heart attack during freefall. He had jumped off the Francis Scott Key Bridge.
If you ever encounter Mr. Saturday Night, be sure to treat him with extra care. He’s one of our best customers. Who’s Mr. Saturday Night? Don’t worry, you’ll know him once you’ve served him. He comes in every Saturday night and gets the same thing: a Gotta-Have-It size chocolate ice cream with peanuts, strawberries, peanut butter, and two Reese’s cups served in a to-go cup with no lid. And he always tips well, really well. Man, we were a little worried after the incident that he wouldn’t be coming back and he wasn’t for a while. But he started coming back about two weeks ago and we knew it was okay then.