“What’s in a name?” asks Shakespeare in Romeo & Juliet, perhaps referring to the linguistic restrictions in defining something. But who is this “Shakespeare” character anyway, and what does he know? I’m here to tell you that a name means a hell of a lot, especially in the world of music. Rock music and all of its unnecessary subgenres have produced some band names that people really ought to step back and acknowledge. Next time you throw on “The Reason” by Hoobastank (which should be never), ask yourself: what the hell were they thinking?
A good band name can go a long way. If I hadn’t been looking through the hip-hop section at my local record store and picked up a record by The Roots in the hopes that their music would be a little more interesting than, say, 50 Cent’s, I probably wouldn’t have the appreciation for the genre that I do today.
But an awful band name can go a lot further than a good one, if for nothing more than for a few laughs. A group of high school kids with bad hair cuts picks up a Smiths record, hears the song “Panic,” fantasizes about the imagery of a disco burning down in the song, and decides to create some catchy and ridiculous music under the nom de plum of Panic! At the Disco. Groovy idea in theory, though a little pretentious; in practice, such a name simply leads to four guys wearing eyeliner and a Pretty. Odd. live experience.
Nu-metal was notorious for its outlandish and downright awful band names. Korn and Linkin Park need no real discussion, but the worst of them all may merit some attention: Limp Bizkit, which is reportedly a reference to a masturbation pastime. Specifically, one in which a bunch of guys stand around a biscuit and commit vast amounts of sin. The last person to dispense of his man juice has to eat the biscuit. All so “you can take that nookie/and shove it up your/yeah!”
Not enough for you? The 90s may be able to serve you what you’re looking for with “hootie” and a side of “blowfish.” This one is an assignment. Think about it on your own and try to contemplate one good reason why anyone thought that name was a good idea. While you’re at it, add Butthole Surfers to the itinerary. And why does the genre of grunge thinks it’s okay to add extra consonants to the wet form of dirt?
That anarchist group, under the guise of Chumbawamba, had one big hit and then was forgotten. That’s because people tuned into the radio, decided they liked the song, and then afterwards the radio announcer said “That was the new smash-hit by Chumbawamba” and people decided it was in their best interest to forget they liked the song in the first place. And to never mention the experience to anyone, ever.
Even good bands have made some mistakes that no one seems to notice. Luckily the newest Arctic Monkeys record is good enough that you won’t stop for a second just to say … “Huh?” The Goo Goo Dolls have had a few great tunes too, but that doesn’t really sum up how weird of a name they have. Not to mention when people abbreviate their name to GGD, I’m left wondering if that’s what someone slipped into my drink last weekend.
Critics and listeners can say all they want about the music itself; I’m simply here to ask you to listen with caution. You don’t want to be introducing yourself to a potential love interest, and when asked what music you like, have to rattle off something like, “I can’t stop listening to the new Exclamatory, Exclamatory, Exclamatory.”
Make James your potential love interest; email him at jmcgrory@ georgetownvoice.com.
