I’m going to tell you something I don’t readily admit to many people: I knit, I bake, I cook, and I make jams and chutneys and butter from scratch. I pretty much do everything except clean. (You should see my apartment.) You’re either thinking, “Wow, that girl’s domestic,” or “She reminds me of my grandma.” And you know what? I don’t mind that. I love all those hobbies, and I don’t think they get in the way of my being a feminist.
I was telling my friend about all of these hobbies, and he said, “Don’t do that, fuck the patriarchy! Be a feminist!” He was joking, but I still got pretty defensive. I am a feminist, and I wouldn’t want to do anything that would undermine my own rights as a woman.
So I thought, well, maybe I should cook less. Maybe I should spend my time doing things other than knitting, despite how much I love it (it gives me an excuse to binge-watch Netflix and still feel productive). I mean, I don’t want to be labeled as “domestic.” But watching Netflix without knitting made me feel guilty, and my diet of Wisey’s and scrambled eggs pales in comparison to my Cuban food or tofu scramble with some homemade chutney. So I decided: I’ll just be a domestic feminist.
It didn’t take me long to understand something that’s relatively simple: doing something I love doesn’t undermine my own rights. I mean, I haven’t taken any classes in gender theory and I wouldn’t say I have an academic grasp of feminism, but it would be silly to sacrifice the things I love to do for feminism’s sake. Wouldn’t forgoing what I enjoy for the sake of appearing “feminist” actually go against all the progress feminism has made?
Feminism, for me at least, isn’t just about destroying the patriarchy or bucking gender norms. Feminism exists so I can be independent and have the freedom to make my own choices according to my own desires. And what I want is to be able to make some pretty awesome food and knit while I watch TV.
It’s important to note that feminism is what gives me the ability to choose to knit and clean. Domesticity is no longer a trap for women and it no longer defines their role in society. The second I want to, I can watch action movies or argue about meaningless stuff like politics (but I’ll just leave that one to the kids in GUSA).
Being able to make a lot of what I use myself makes me even more independent. I don’t have to buy scarves and I don’t have to swipe the terror that is Leo’s twice a day just so I won’t starve. So I guess my domesticity is actually kind of feminist.
The only thing I still can’t control is how some people view all of this. After my mom taught me to cook Cuban food this summer, she said, “Every Cuban woman wants to know how to cook dinner for her husband.” And commenting on my new interest in knitting, she said something about how I’ll make a good wife. My mom was raised by a conservative Cuban family in the 50’s and 60’s, so I can’t blame her for those opinions. But some people will always see this domesticity in that kind of light.
My friends will always make fun of me for acting like their grandmother. I even walk slowly and complain about my back; but whatever, I have better scarves than they do. And I’m sure that not-so-deep down they really like this about me, considering the fact that I make them one-of-a-kind headbands, scarves, jams, butter, delicious Cuban coffee, and dinner.
So, anytime you disparage a girl, or anyone, for that matter, as “domestic,” just think about how much better her home-cooked dinner is than your Eat & Joy or how much nicer her hand-made knitwear is than your over-priced Urban Outfitters scarf. Then you might not question whether that domesticity (or as I like to call it, talent mixed with good taste) contradicts her feminism or somehow harms her identity as a woman. If you’re not careful, she probably won’t make you any delicious food or beautiful scarves either.
