Upperclassmen constantly recommend that freshmen venture out and explore campus, but they ought to be more specific. What’s really worth investigating are the Georgetown bathrooms; The freshman dorm restrooms pulse with inanity; a whole new world of bathrooms awaits those brave enough to venture into the bowels of the university. Some bathrooms remain mysterious, even to a seasoned veteran like myself: I’ve heard myths of the alluring gender-neutral bathrooms in Maguire, but have yet to find such an oasis.
The following bathroom overview will be fraught with my opinions—I do not claim to be an expert, only an enthusiast. This overview should serve as a guide for those who are new, and as a walk down memory lane for pros. Buckle up, take your pants off, and sit down as I take you through the journey that is campus restrooms.
Many people first test the waters by heading toward the Healy Family Student Center (HFSC) restrooms, seeking asylum from New South’s. However, the HFSC bathroom is for sophists. It gets points for matching the design of the building seamlessly, but the abiding minimalism has, in turn, done away with functional sinks. This design flaw leads to water pooling on the vanities and, consequently, wet shirts. Liquid, in any respectable restroom, should only be pooling in toilet bowls. Additionally, the sterile lighting and tall, stalky stalls produce an eeriness counterproductive to carrying out one’s business. For all this, I rank it five flushes out of 10.
Despite my critiques, the HFSC still fares better overall than its main study spot competitor, Lauinger Library. The fourth- and fifth-floor bathrooms admittedly promote quiet and peaceful experiences, but they have an inexcusably small floor plan. The newly renovated third-floor restroom’s chic lighting and modern furnishings merely accentuate the paltry square footage, while also losing out on the wearied charm the rest of the library has in spades.
Worse yet, the inviting study space on the second floor presents the single worst bathroom on campus. Lau 2’s restroom is extremely public, comically small, without cell signal, constantly broken, and overflowing with water and people. That only leaves Lau 1, indisputably the best bathroom in the library. The first floor’s an undeniably goofy space, full of odd, oblong design choices, and its bathroom follows suit. Setting the quirks aside, Lau 1 deserves commendation for having the only spacious bathrooms in the building and for its peaceful charm. Taking all floors into consideration, Lau receives a three out of 10 on the flush scale.
The only building with bathrooms even approaching the awfulness and horror of Lau 2’s bathroom is the Intercultural Center (ICC). As some of the smallest on campus, you’ll have to brace yourself and prepare to bump into people you know. The restroom doors always stay open, airing out everyone’s business and stinking up the labyrinthine ICC hallways. A truly mixed bag, the ICC earns four flushes.
Similar to the ICC, Walsh and White- Gravenor also feature generally inadequate restrooms, with a few hidden gems. The classic Walsh and White-Gravenor bathroom design ought to be rejected purely on aesthetic grounds. The hideous pastel tiles and cramped turns unfold into a Lynchian nightmare. However, the buildings hold a few saving graces, like the basement bathroom in Walsh or the new fourth-floor gender-neutral restroom in White-Gravenor. Although being up four flights of thick, uneven stairs does not entail a major win for accessibility, I do wish I had known about them before repeatedly running into professors in the second floor bathroom. These awkward encounters in that suffocatingly ’70s-esque box may have been unavoidable for me, but they don’t have to be for you. Walsh and White-Gravenor earn a four out of 10 flush score and a recommendation to stay away.
Just as in White-Gravenor, the bathrooms in the Reiss Science Building only get better as one goes up. The tight, linear first floor is liable for a crowd crush, the creepy second floor could theoretically get the job done, floor three outside the science library is quite cute, the fourth is solid, and the fifth floor swells with options. Do not ask me what this pattern suggests about Reiss’s roof; just know the building pulls a seven on the flush scale.
Other underrated bathrooms beyond Reiss include the Leo’s and Epicurean bathrooms. I understand ignoring dining hall bathrooms, but these deserve love for their relative space and sleepiness—six and five flushes’ respectively. Additionally, the bathrooms in the Leavey Center remain underutilized. I especially want to call attention to Leavey’s two standout gender-neutral bathrooms: the one at room 425 and the other farther down the hall between the men’s and women’s rooms for their seclusion and comfort, scoring seven flushes out of 10.
However, the real underrated standout remains: McShain Lounge. Many will be upset about this spot being doxxed, but the people must know. It truly has all one could ask for in a bathroom: spaciousness, cleanliness, and peace.
Yet, McShain remains only the second- best bathroom on campus with its nine of 10 flushes. The number one spot goes to the Davis Center bathrooms. All of them. Such a powerful location, so ravishingly beautiful, tidy, and tranquil; one has to experience it for themselves, making it a great first or a nostalgic return on a new journey through Georgetown’s bathrooms. A true perfect 10 flushes.
The Key
Best Bathroom: Davis Center
Worst Bathroom: Lau 2
Gender-Neutral Favorites: Leavey 4, ICC 1, Office of Student Equity and Inclusion
Plus-Size Friendly: McShain Lounge, Regents, Lau 1
