To the 54th Corp Upper Management (CUM!):
The Voice staff have compiled a list of complaints for your consideration. If you have any questions or to start a dialogue with us, please reach out to rdi@georgetownvoice.com and esva@georgetownvoice.com.
- Lost my friend’s stuff and my air conditioner and didn’t pay me back (never forget The Corp Storage debacle of fall 2024).
- Double charged me for Oreos that were eight fucking dollars.
- Ordered a sandwich at Hilltoss and waited 15 minutes before asking about it, and the employee said, “Oh yeah, I wanted to ask you, what’s on that sandwich?”
- Charging for alternative milk in drinks that automatically come with an alternative milk.
- Called Aubrey Audrey (tragic!)
- Snaxa workers look at me like they know I’m a virgin
- I was ordering a drink at Hilltoss and felt a drop of rain that was instead mysterious roof juice coming from a gaping hole in the ceiling.
- Gave me expired kombucha, and after trying to explain the issue and ask for a new one, the worker told me she didn’t believe me.
- Their flimsy cup broke, and when I told them, “hey, my cup broke,” they just said, “yeah, that’s been happening.”
- Having to beg for their attention so I can order my drink.
- Being overpriced.
- Being a monopoly.
- Everyone is so hot and cute and never talks to me.
- Bankrupting themselves for Corp Gala.
- Vital Vittles has more energy drinks than stock of milk and butter.
- Your pink cowboy hat is not keeping your hair out of my red eye as I stroll into International Law 15 minutes late.
- You all are getting lice.
- Why does UG charge a dollar for a single cream cheese? Do you think I’m buying a bagel just to raw dog it?
- Vittles not listing prices. They still have those signs saying they’re “working on it” that they’ve had since fall 2022.
- Hoya Snaxa drinks sit out instead of going into the empty fridges.
- The Hilltoss music is so loud no one can hear my screams as I write my stupid gay thesis.
- They take forever to restock kitkats. And Vittles doesn’t carry condoms when I’m in a hurry to get to The Hoya office. Georgetown: offer contraceptive and gender affirming health care now!
- They edit their Wikipedia page with their current leadership. The Voice would never!
- The drinks taste different every time.
- I was trying to order a drink at midnight, and the cashier got annoyed I was interrupting the debrief of last night’s Corp orgy.
- The Corp is the most materially equipped organization on campus to make real systemic change and support grassroots organizing, but instead they use their profits to subsidize Corp Welcome, Retreat, and Holiday Inn. And I couldn’t even get a drink at Gala this year.
- Only Midnight carries twin snakes and not Vital Vittles near the Voice office.
- Why is the Matcha white?
- Corp Gala raises only a few thousand dollars for “philanthropy” despite costing more than a hundred thousand dollars to throw.
- Got charged $7.49 for a box of Reese’s Puffs.
- Bought Cheerios and they were expired.
- Plays music so loud customer and cashier cannot flirt with one another.
- The hiring seems to be more based on knowing someone.
- I applied and was denied.
- The Corp made me realize I’m gay.
- The Corp will fire you if you write a piece about them for the Voice.
