Anyone who frequents social media today is sure to find stark criticism of the Clairo-listening, matcha-drinking, feminist literature-reading, tote bag-slinging “Performative Male.” The archetype refers to men who inauthentically adopt “feminine” interests and signal progressive values to gain social validation, particularly romantic or sexual attention from women. This characterization has gone so far that it has even become self-satirizing, with men taking to parks and college campuses to participate in “Performative Male Contests,” competing over who can embody the stereotype the most.
Now, the villainization of “performative males” raises an important question: What exactly is so bad about this archetype?
The common explanation posed online goes something like this: a man adopts a progressive political attitude and displays certain stereotypical interests, but in reality, it is all a front. He is not really progressive, not really feminist, and not really into any of the interests that he claims to love—he is just looking to sleep with women.
In a sense, the Performative Male is the Gen-Z adaptation of womanizing playboys, men like Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother or Charlie Harper from Two and a Half Men. Allegedly, the Performative Male is just another mechanism of the patriarchal, heteronormative system demanding sexual attention from women through lies and deceit.
But is that really the case? Do these men really start their day saying, “this matcha latte will get me all the ladies,” or “they’ll never realize I’m secretly a misogynist if I read this Sylvia Plath novel in public?” I would venture to say no.
In reality, the Performative Male could be seen as an attempt to bridge the gender divide, a gap torn wide by internet algorithms and broad differences in media consumption. In an online environment in which men and women are often fed different Instagram feeds and Tiktok For You pages, there is little common ground to bond over. Social media algorithms target “get ready with me” videos and sports gambling ads based on gender. As content is siloed to maximize engagement, it leads to a divide that creates misunderstanding and resentment between genders, evident in the misogynistic attitudes emanating from the internet manosphere and stereotypes like the Performative Male.
“Performative” men may be grasping for the last bit of relatability they can find, looking towards the internet to find what women want. What seems to be an inauthentic interest in Clairo, matcha, or freakishly long books may just be a desperate attempt to communicate and connect with women in a time when men are struggling to do so.
As a result, many of the interests and behaviors Performative Males take on are ones that have been pushed forward in pop culture by internet trends. The Performative Male seems to be a consequence of our social media-driven society in which men are constantly told online what makes a man attractive or desirable. Men don’t have to stray far on social media to see posts about what women seek in their partners—posts that idolize men who read or others that gush over characters and celebrities who deviate from traditional masculine norms like Harry Styles or Kurtis Connor, a popular Youtube personality. It’s no surprise that men have taken these projected traits to heart; after all, who doesn’t want to be liked?
The New York Times recently published a laughably contradictory opinion from columnist Maureen Dowd titled “Attention Men: Books are Sexy!” Dowd dotes on men who read books, stating “some of the most charming encounters I’ve had with men were about books” and “a man with a book has become so rare, such an object of fantasy.” But in the second paragraph, Dowd’s comments stick out sorely in their hypocrisy: “at first, I figured he was pretending to like things that women like to seem simpatico, a feminist hustle.” Right alongside this call for men to read is a stab at the supposed performativity of such desired reading. Though she acknowledges that she knows men who do enjoy reading seriously, this initial concern over authenticity is concerning and hypocritical. If a man reads this article about how it is sexy to read and consequently decides to start reading, that man is doing exactly what Dowd is criticizing, since he is adopting reading as an interest just because women find it attractive.
What the critique of the Performative Male ultimately tells us is that all attempts at conformity and social approval are inherently inauthentic to begin with. After all, do we expect men to become passionate readers on a whim, without the necessary fake-it-till-you-make-it behavior that comes with taking on a new hobby?
In the end, the Performative Male emerges as a stereotype from our social media-driven, capitalist society in which consumption habits have become a basis for categorization alongside traditional stereotypes rooted in race, ethnicity, or class. Also arising from stereotypes about gender and sex, the Performative Male label seeks to delineate character on the basis of consumption, which has become increasingly synonymous with political attitudes and moral values. That is, what you buy and how you subsequently display your consumption says everything about your character.
When we criticize performative men, we call into question the authenticity of all men who even attempt to embrace these stereotyped behaviors and tastes. Men who try out a new book, drink matcha, or use tote bags have to somehow prove they actually like these things. Instead of letting people take on new interests and learn what they enjoy for themselves, the trend pushes us to expect a level of authenticity that doesn’t ever truly exist in our social sphere of viral trends and Instagram likes.
We should abandon the term Performative Male as a stereotype or joke and instead encourage men to explore new interests in mixed-gender spheres. Instead of assuming that men are just maliciously pretending to enjoy these things, people should connect over the common ground that has been found by these “performative” men, such as vinyls or vintage clothing. We need to let men be awkward, let men try new things. After all, we all perform as we discover who we are.
