Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You’re on fire, Aries!!! Always striving for No. 1—even on the zodiac wheel—you are ready to DOMINATE Halloween with your confidence and enthusiasm. With competitiveness written in your DNA and engraved in your soul, you’re gonna be THE best trick-or-treater on the block, carve THE ultimate pumpkin, and beat everyone (not literally, please) with your incredible costume. You’ve been holding yourself back for way too long. This Halloween is your chance to shine; unleash your inner fire and show them what it means to be an Aries. But while you’re out there having fun, remember that there’s a thin line between “woo, fun!” spook and “wtf just happened” horror. Share your fiery passion with everyone but be sure not to let it spread into an uncontrollable blaze. Sure, it may seem fun to explore the haunted cemetery the night of Halloween and prove to your friends that you are no chicken. But trust me—it won’t be as enjoyable when you wake up hugging a tombstone that you’ve named “Edward Cullen.”
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Taurus, I know this is the weekend of ALL weekends for you. This is your Super Bowl. Your Met Gala. Your Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. You’ve been planning your costume since July, which is probably why it’s so outdated. I can promise you that NO ONE is going to think your Kamala Harris Coconut Tree costume is still funny. Yet my dear Taurus, I have to admire your commitment to Halloweekend. Your ability to stick to your guns when literally everyone is against you takes some balls. But, for this Halloweekend, I want to encourage you to let go. Return that $300 Reformation dress—you don’t need to be a biblically accurate Christine Daaé. Some SigEp freshman in a Patrick Bateman costume is probably going to spill their Natty Lite all over it anyway. If all of your friends are throwing up in the Hook Hall bathroom, I promise you don’t have to stay until it ends to get your money’s worth. Let the crisp autumn air whisk you off your feet and be spontaneous for once in your life. For your own sake, I hope your Halloweekend ends with an Epi’s quesadilla.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
I know you, Gemini. I know what you did. That smug little secret you’re holding coffin-tight to your chest isn’t long for this world, so make your peace and say your prayers before it gives up the ghost. Karma bites, but maybe you’re the type to ask it to leave a mark. Take a good look at yourself, Gemini, and the rotten low you’re at. Take this Halloween as an opportunity to drop your many-faced facade and go on a bender of radical self-honesty: You are probably NOT VALID. You are only SOMETIMES LOVED. You are definitely NOT DRUNK ENOUGH. You are absolutely the most FUCKABLE PERSON on this JES RES BALCONY, and that IS your soulmate SWAYING STANDING UP in a half-undone sweat-stained safety-pinned bedsheet toga. This is your shot—or maybe your fifteenth: take your undead love life by its skeletal reins and WHIP that immortally flaccid baby into SHAPE. That fourth cup of AASA jungle juice and the fungal bloom seasoning their FREAKY-ASS KEGS is calling your heretofore desperately uncalled name, and by Jove you are ANSWERING. And then maybe climbing a TREE, or maybe a MAN, or BOTH. C’est la vie, sweet Gemini. Go gracefully into the light.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Hey Cancer, it’s me. So you know the six Halloween costumes you’ve ordered? What are those for? You don’t even have a single event to wear one of them to. Let’s rethink our spending habits this fall, shall we? And, more importantly, let’s talk about why you thought your niche costume was going to be well-received in this elitist hellhole. If you were trying to please the audience, your best bet would be dressing up as the Georgetown Stories™ Goyard tote. But that’s why you’re special, Cancer. You don’t do it for them to understand, you do it for the love of the game. There’s gonna be plenty of Sabrina Carpenters at the function, but there will be only one Shein Confidence Activist. Fuck the mainstream, and fuck the people who don’t understand that you’re dressing up as Tonka Jahari, who, by the way, would NEVER order a whole pizza just for themself. Your theatrical perspective on life is so valuable, and you represent the thousands of brain-rotted degenerates who, unlike you, still have enough dignity to not dress up as Moo Deng to the club. So Cancer, keep being you, but maybe be a little more conscious about your Amazon addiction (don’t forget, you also missed Prime Day).
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Leo, considering your namesake here on campus already sends shivers down our spines year-round (“My chicken! It’s… it’s PINK!”), it should come as no surprise that spooky season is your time to shine. With the king of the jungle as your astrological mascot, naturally, you’re the reigning queen of Halloween and everyone knows it. People are probably still talking about your biblically accurate recreation of Katniss Everdeen’s Mockingjay dress from last year (complete with spin-induced combustion which, after a particularly passionate performance of “Right Round” on the Vil A rooftop, prompted a veryyyyy timely Hoya Alert). With the big weekend fast approaching, you might be feeling the pressure to outdo your iconic looks of years past. However, dear sweet firecracker, fret not. Like your fellow lioness Charli xcx, you were probably too busy having a #bratsummer to meticulously plan your costumes months in advance—and that’s okay. Even flying by the seat of your pants, “Heads Will Roll” Marie Antoinette style as soon as you walk into the function. Honestly, you could probably pull a Karen Smith and wear nothing more than mouse ears and a Victoria’s Secret slip dress and still bring all the boys to the yard (the yard in question being the Georgetown Missed Connections page, of course). As a self-professed 365 party girl, just like your ruling planet of the Sun, everyone can’t help but fall into your irresistible orbit.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
VIRGO, PUT THAT SPREADSHEET AWAY. NOW. I know the thought of your costume being anything less than perfect is terrifying, but this Halloweekend, you need to face your fears. Take a deep breath, delete ‘costume planning’ from your to-do list and your Gcal, shut your computer, and take a walk to CVS to buy some basic cat ears or something. Be uninspired! Embrace the mediocrity of the headpiece and all-black ensemble pairing because, let’s be real, no one’s judging you as harshly as you’re judging yourself. Take a break from the planning—and the thinking—you have the rest of your life for that. In the meantime, have a drink. Have several, actually, and let the night take you where it pleases. The only time you should spend in Lau is the five minutes it takes to use the bathroom on your way to a Vil A party, and the only thing you should fear this weekend is the face-painted GPB volunteer lurking around the corner in Haunted Healy. Chill the fuck out, Virgo. You deserve it.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
It’s once again that time of year when you must somehow manage to strike a balance between nonchalant and sexy (which some historians would say was Hercules’s secret 13th, and arguably hardest, labor). But as always, my dear Libra, you are more than up to the challenge. Take this two-part Halloweekend by its Maker Hub horns and show your friends that you are more than capable of doing it all: be the semi-sober voice of reason amongst your mesh-clad friends while also finding the time to finish all those papers you’ve been putting off indefinitely. This Halloween season, you will test the boundaries of “harmless” flirting and stumble your way into discovering the forbidden Schrödinger’s DFMO (and this WILL be on your psych exam next week, so pay attention). As you (un)surprisingly weasel your way out of yet another conundrum of your own creation, remember your motto: “Why choose when you can do both?” And, really, what better way to embrace your inner Devil’s advocate than dressing up as the super sexy demon consultant you were always destined to be?
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
This Spooky Scorpio Season, ditch the group costume—you’re probably going to lose your friends well before it gets dark. Might I also caution against a nonchalant “casual costume”? There can only be so many dirty martinis terrorizing the streets of Dupont. And don’t be discouraged when no one understands your niche early 2000s reference; you’re better than them anyways. This Halloween, go after what you want, even if it is the most mediocre-looking man in your Spanish class. If all goes wrong, just remember Profesora will still be by your side come Monday morning, hangover or not. As you walk home at the end of the night, surrounded by friends who are all way drunker than you and will definitely “forget” to Venmo you for the Uber (but demand you send pictures anyways), you can sleep soundly knowing you stayed strong and resisted the serial flirt who commits floorcest any chance they get. Maybe next year you’ll finally find a neighbor who will wear a shirt. And while you might not be getting any game this birthday season, at least the H*yas For Choice Condomgrams you lovingly sent your friends are being well used. Stay safe, sweet Scorpio.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
It’s your time to shine again, Sagittarius. This year, Halloween falls on a Thursday…so, double the weekend, double the fun. Unfortunately, it’s also double the opportunity for your friends to lose you in a sea of underdressed men and corset tops. No, I know you’re just making friends. But remember when you took that photo with a group wearing head-to-toe pink before realizing that they were, in fact, not a part of your Barbie themed group costume? Look back at the photo, Sagittarius. One of them is wearing an inflatable dinosaur suit. You looked WAY too cute for a T. rex arm to be covering half your costume. And look, I know you still want to venture into the crowd, dazzling everyone with your easygoing humor and ability to chat anyone up. You’re a free spirit, and just like your fellow Sagittarius T-Swift said, “Anytime someone tells me I can’t do something, I want to do it more.” But she was trying to prove she could play 12-string guitar. You, however, are not a famous singer-songwriter. When your friends inevitably say no, you can’t wander off 10 minutes after you all show up to the function. So maybe, just maybe, we listen to them.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, I know your secret. You may project an intimidating facade, but behind that RBF of yours, you actually adore Halloween. Maybe it’s because you wear an emotional mask year-round. Maybe this is the one time you allow yourself to actually let loose to the sweet, sweet serenade of Mr. Worldwide. Or maybe deep down in your soul you know that your standoffishness and affinity for black cats would have totally gotten you accused of witchcraft had you been in Salem at the right time (or wrong time, I guess). Either way, you had your costume planned ages ago—probably while everybody was busy thinking of New Year’s resolutions. And let’s be real, your ensemble was hand-curated to be the right mix of classy, intellectual, and just popular enough that everyone will recognize it—a true testament to the long-term planning and hard work of a bona-fide neurotic bitch. Well done, Capricorn! But hey, don’t stress over minor costume imperfections. Sure, your DIY skills didn’t quite live up to the pictures on your secret Pinterest board. And yes, that accessory you ordered is shipping from China and will arrive at Leavey in late December. Who cares? It’ll be dark outside anyway. Besides, nobody commits to a role like you do.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Aquariuses, we know you love Halloween, and frankly, Halloween loves you right back. There’s no better time for your eccentric creativity to flow than when the air is crisp, the pumpkins are out, and everyone’s vision is slightly obscured by Spirit Halloween masks. Whereas any other time of year your style catches the judgment of ornery senior citizens and cutthroat eighth graders alike, now is the time for you to take the spotlight. There’s just a few teensy weensy things you might want to consider before investing in your perfect costume this Halloweekend. Night one, you might be tempted to commit fully to the niche reference bit, a lá donning a glittering gray pinstriped suit to become the iconic AMC Nicole Kidman. If you choose this route, be prepared to spend most of your night explaining the intricacies and cleverness of your fit to 75% of the strangers you meet in random Vil B apartments. As much as we at the Voice wish this won’t be the case, most of Georgetown’s population is not as chronically online as we are—and that includes what’s his face from the Chimes, whose party you are crashing. Night two, you might want to don some cheesy yet totally out-there costume—think those inflatable ones that make you look like you’re riding a velociraptor. Again, we love and support you, but the randos spilling their red solo cups onto your raptor’s vinyl skin as you push your way through the crowd might not share that sentiment. And those are a pain to take off, especially if you decide to spend the night with someone. But hey, maybe they really liked the Jurassic Park movies and want you to keep it on—you never know.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Halloween is the time to get tricked or treated. Choose wisely, Pisces, otherwise you could end up in a spooky place—both literally and figuratively. When figuring out who your boo is this cuffing season, it’s hard not to worry about getting ghosted. But if you’re just searching for the perfect partner for your ideal couples costume, take a moment to self-reflect and make sure you like them, not just that they like you. And speaking of costumes, don’t shy away from getting creative! Whether you’re rocking it at a costume contest or trick-or-treating at the embassies, make sure your costume reflects the true you. Don’t follow the crowd (Just how many Sabrina Carpenters will we see this year? Is everyone really that short and sweet?) Stay true to yourself—whether it’s dressing up as your favorite movie character or going full supernatural—because confidence is your best accessory in romance AND Halloween. Also, don’t let the spooky season trick you into letting academic pressures haunt you. If midterms have left you feeling like a ghost of yourself, take this time to recharge. Grab a pumpkin spice latte from Compass or unwind with exercise by running up the Exorcist steps.
