Aries (March 21 – April 19)
You did it bestie! You’ve (almost) finished the entire semester, and it only took an obscene amount of caffeinated beverages to keep you focused enough to manage it. Georgetown Day is your opportunity to temporarily let all your worries aside and go absolutely feral. Just remember: you still have two weeks until your classes are actually over. So this Georgetown Day, let’s practice some self-care and avoid any long-lasting mistakes that might lead to the loss of several days after the darties are over. First, your friends are there to help you—you don’t have to scamper away at the first opportunity to leave their sightlines. Second, please drink some damn water and eat a meal before beginning your day. The goal is to not pass out from sun exhaustion on the Vil A rooftops, so let’s keep it that way. Lastly, you may find one of the secret entrances to the underground tunnels and be tempted to explore. DO NOT ENTER. You will get lost down there, and there’s not much anyone can do once the ancient Jesuit vampires catch your scent. Follow this advice, and you’ll be waking up Saturday morning on a nice shag rug rather than the floor of a Walsh classroom.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
“Go shawty, it’s ya birthday! We gon’ party like it’s ya birthday!” Lovely Tauruses, 50 Cent is right on the money—your birthday season is in full swing, and it’s time to let the festivities commence! Yeah sure, you’re another year closer to the big, six-foot-under snooze (I could make a morbid Earth sign-centric joke here, yet, alas, I’ll refrain), but today I want you to cast all of that existential dread aside and dance like there’s no tomorrow—at the rate things are going, who knows! There might not be! Lovebug, I’m begging you, cast your Google Calendar to the wayside this Georgetown Day. Drown out that haunting, all-too-familiar “da-da-duh” notification with the sounds of some classic undergraduate debauchery. A true stickler for routine, knowing you, I’m sure you’ve tried to map this Friday out down to the minute. You’re determined to somehow juggle each and every invite you’ve received, and even your random discussion section you feel inexplicably guilty about skipping. Quiet that micro-managing impulse today, stubborn one. Instead, crack open a cold beverage and trade your buttoned-up brain for a birthday suit state of mind.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
HELLO, my two-faced baddies! Just kidding, I know you don’t deserve that reputation. Only a few of you do. To quote the queen of almost being in the video: “All you ever wanna do is lie / Why you always such a Gemini?” (Madison Beer, 2021). This Georgetown Day, therefore, stick to speaking the truth. Do you really love the way the gray Georgetown hoodie from the bookstore looks on your crush? Tell them how you truly feel! You may be tempted to run around campus searching for the best vibes now that it’s harder to get onto the Vil A roof than it is to find a Georgetown man with good style, but try and take it slow. Repeat after me: I do not chase, I attract. Take in the sun, take deep breaths, and harness your frantic spirituality. Give yourself a well-deserved break from the drama you’ve had this semester; we know how that one person made you feel about that one thing. You did NOT deserve that. Moving on from this weekend, though, sometimes it is good to keep up your front. I mean, it’s nearly your birthday season; keep on throwing out those fake compliments and get that BAG from your presents! And then drag people all you’d like.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22)
Oh boy, do you have your work cut out for you this Georgetown Day. You’re probably the mom friend of the group, meaning that borgs are your worst nightmare; not just because of your concern for your friends’ livers, but because they create messes you feel like you have to clean up. While your friends love your loyalty and dependability, it’s not your job to fix them—the last thing anyone wants while puking off the side of Vil A is a lecture on making good choices. Your greatest strength is your emotion, making you truly a Hoya for Others. So use that strength and READ THE ROOM!!! Tap into your sensitive side by sensing the energies of those around you. And for Jack’s sake, don’t make everything about yourself (if you’re being honest, you’ve been known to do that). Just let loose a little, and allow your warmth to shine through—and if you need a little help with that, a Fireball will do the trick.
Leo (July 23 – August 22)
Long time no horoscope, Leo. You love your attention, and I hope you get it this Georgetown Day, but let’s maybe stay away from the medical kind. You’ve had quite the semester, haven’t you? It’s been a whirlwind (and maybe deep down, you’ve enjoyed it), but we both know it’s caused you some problems. That risk you took before spring break. The friend who’s been testing your patience recently. That one time you forgot to do the liberal arts look before dropping full government legal names in the HFSC. But you’ve come out on top! You’ve made it to your favorite holiday on the Gregorian calendar! Just do us all a favor and do NOT text that person you’re thinking about. It is not the “do it for the plot” moment you think it is. Take this Georgetown Day—and the end of the semester—as an opportunity to give yourself the attention you deserve. Treat yourself to a (definitely sober) frolic on the lawn. Give your chakra a reset. Finally try that Van Leeuwen ice cream flavor calling your name. But please, for the love of all things on this side of the Potomac, do not stir up that last-minute drama you’ve been eyeing; in fact, maybe stay far, far away. Protect your peace! By the time we head into summer, you’ll be a new and replenished version of your energetic self.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgo, give yourself grace. You’re uptight, unraveling, and more frayed than the ratty blanket you keep dragging out to the front lawn in a genuinely piteous performance of self-care. Well, take a bow, Virgo: you put on a good show, but it’s time to call curtains on the bags under your eyes. Get some rest ahead of this Georgetown Day—you’ll need it more than you need your hideously detailed agenda for the day. I know you love your details, but don’t miss the forest for the trees: there’s no formula to fun, and there’s no ‘perfect’ Georgetown Day to be had. It’ll be what you make of it, so don’t waste your time pinballing from pre to pre to pre. Pick a spot and stick to it. Plant your feet, assume a defensive posture, and prepare to rock some frat bro’s shit when he starts bashing into you in an unfortunate attempt to mosh to “Carnival.” Defend it the way you defend your wanton overcommitment and lack of self-care to your concerned friends—by tooth and claw and broken nail. That being said, I want better for you, Virgo. You should want better for you, too, whatever ‘better’ might be—this Georgetown Day, throw caution to the wind. Throw your phone into the river. Throw up off a balcony. Throw a rock through a window. Do what you need to do to feel human again.
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
You may seem too cool for school, but you really crave what the rest of us do: attention. No, but seriously, you’ve used your magnetism and charisma to trick—errrr, I mean charm—many into some awesome friendships. And isn’t that what Georgetown Day is all about? Celebrating how much you love your besties by drinking till you forget them all? You’re secretly the life of the party, and you know you can’t wait for Friday; you’ve probably had your borg name picked out since February. Don’t be afraid to dance when “Low” comes on, to put glitter on your eyelids, to let out your inner yapper—I promise, we’ll still think you’re cool and mysterious when Saturday comes around. In fact, we might even love you more after seeing you humbled by trying to eat a post-darty Sun City, hot honey dripping everywhere. After all, you’re only human!
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)
Scorpio, your magnetic charm isn’t just a vibe on this Georgetown Day, it’s a gravitational force pulling people into your orbit. You’ll find yourself hoisted to the Vil A rooftops, at the center of the dance circle, behind the DJ set—in what order, however, is up to your discretion. As you wander through the drunken crowds, you might just stumble upon that one Midnight barista or econ TA you’ve been madly in love with since freshman year. Be open to serendipitous encounters, for the universe has a knack for orchestrating romantic rendezvous at darties like these. However, a word of caution: while the energy of Georgetown Day is electric and conducive to romantic sparks, remember to approach any newfound interests with a dash of discernment. Not everyone screaming “Love Story” in your ear is your soulmate, and if he has a perm and a silver chain, you probably can’t fix him. Keep your heart open but your instincts sharp, and let the cosmic dance of love unfold at its own pace. Embrace the quirky and unexpected, but remember to stay grounded, eat breakfast, and drink your liquid IV.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)
Sagittarius, stop the grind for a second. It’s time to be silly. What’s funnier than a group of people majoring in stuff like Culture and Politics and Justice and Peace all jumping in time to a DJ as they break down a dorm roof at the oldest Catholic university in America? Or the wall of borgs stacked outside Leo’s that form an extra layer of protection should the apocalypse strike while you’re mid-cereal-bite post-darty? Set up a joke and don’t let anyone else beat you to the punchline. Although, stay away from the jungle juice this weekend, alright? Nothing good has ever come from a Gatorade cooler you weren’t there for the creation of. Stay positive though! Let loose and remember what college is all about, whatever that means to you. If it’s mimosas with more champagne than orange juice or actually going to your last day of class because it’s your favorite topic, do what makes YOU happy this Georgetown Day. Be confident in your choices and don’t let the haters get you down. John Carroll wouldn’t want that for you. Maybe blow him a kiss for good luck (but please stay off his lap, your balance is not that good, especially after a classic Gtown Day brunch!)
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorn, I know you hate mess, but things are about to get real messy this Georgetown Day, and you need to lean into it. Consider this your sign to send a risky post-borg text to that problematic ex (yep, you know the one). Be bold and operate under the assumption that every campus character you’ve ever admired from afar is maddeningly in love with you (believe me, you’re not delusional: when you locked eyes while “Pepas” was playing at the darty, their heart skipped a beat, too). The stars are aligning for you to start beef with all your friends; it’s nearly the end of the semester anyway, so who cares if you burn bridges! That’s a problem your future self can deal with—right now you need to live in the moment, speak your truth, stir the pot, and embrace the mess. Don’t hesitate to lie on your resume as you submit those last-ditch internship applications (never opened Excel even one time? Screw it, I’d say you’re proficient). This weekend, dear Capricorn, deadlines are just a suggestion. That paper isn’t REALLY due until you’re in the mood to write it, and your professor just told me that really annoying group project you’re dreading is actually optional because you’re simply too hot and sexy to be hunkering down in Lau! Get outside, savor the warm weather, incite some drama, and put your ambitions and responsibilities on the back burner for once—you deserve it.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
Hey hey Aquarius, it’s time to let the beer flow like the water sign you are. Because of those silly stifling rules the University released for Georgetown Day, it’s time to use your staple creativity. Dress a keg stand like a friend who’s visiting from home. Put Pink Whitney in a milk carton. Relax Aquarius. Go where the river takes you. Your one goal for the day: get on the Vil-A rooftop without GUPD stopping you. Every dam will eventually break. All eyes will be on you when you get there. Just remember, you’re too independent for the guys in ADPi and gals in Bossier. Just be sure to make the Potomac run crystal clear with Everclear.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
It’s okay to admit it, Pisces: you still expect Georgetown Day to be the best day of your life, even after years of yakking before noon and watching your crush reachin’ out, touchin’ (someone other than) you as “Sweet Caroline” plays. But you’re not fooling us—we all know you’re secretly addicted to the melancholy of dashed expectations. After all, you cry on your birthday, collect your old borgs like they’re baby teeth, and have hundreds of shitty photos of the solar eclipse on your phone that you can’t bear to part with. You’re going to get a little misty about another semester ending no matter what, so you might as well go forth and romanticize your Georgetown Day with pride! Just make sure you have a supportive shoulder (acceptable examples include a trusted friend, NOT an ex-situationship) and plenty of liquids (alcoholic or otherwise) to help you as those tears keep coming. Leave the emotional hangover for finals week—you’ll finally have the time to deal with it then, right?
