Look, I’m not calling you a Scrooge—all I’m saying is that the vibe you bring to the Secret Santa/A Charlie Brown Christmas watch party/gingerbread house making competition is a little less holly jolly and a little more frostbitten.
If your drink of choice is tea over hot chocolate, you’re comforted by the sound of the wind howling in the trees, and your idea of a Christmas tradition is sobbing over Emma Thompson not getting that gold necklace in Love Actually, this is for you. Here’s a list of Christmas songs that won’t be found on that default Spotify holiday hits mix—with the unfortunate side effect of never being allowed to touch the aux at your next holiday gathering:
1. “White Winter Hymnal” – Fleet Foxes
“And, Michael, you would fall and turn the white snow / Red as strawberries in the summertime”
Starting off with a certified classic, Fleet Foxes’s “White Winter Hymnal” is the indie winter banger. You may listen to this song and ask, “Who is this narrator? Why has Michael just been decapitated? In general, what the hell is going on?” Unfortunately, the chorus just repeats three times, so I guess we’ll never know. Some listeners speculate that the song is about gangs. Others listen and envision French revolutionists. I personally imagine a wolf pack in stylish red scarves. Any which way, it’s a mystery worth pondering as you throw on a camel coat, take a walk around the snowy landscape, and live out your millennial-Brooklyn-hipster-twee-core dreams.
2. “Come On! Let’s Boogey to the Elf Dance!” – Sufjan Stevens
“Tie up your boots! Jump off the ladder! / Pack up your clothes! Nothing’s the matter!”
Yes, in true Sufjan Stevens fashion, nearly every line in this song ends in an exclamation point! Sufjan, why are we yelling? Well actually, he answers this question in the lyrics: “There’s a lot to shout about!” That joyous energy is captured in the song’s sound perfectly. It just feels like looking out the window as your plane takes off, carrying you back home for the holidays. If I were to describe the feeling in two words, they’d be “indie optimism.” With a gorgeous blend of vocals, woodwinds, and guitar coming together to create a wall of sound, this song has layers—not like an onion, but maybe more like a trifle.
3. “Wintering” – The 1975
“I just came for the stuffin’, not to argue about nothin’ / But mark my words / I’ll be home on the twenty-third”
If your Christmas dinner leans more toward the anarchy of The Bear Season 2, Episode 6 than a scene from a Hallmark movie, then you’ll definitely relate to the lyrics of this song. “Wintering” is a groovy little ode to joy—specifically to the lovable chaos of being home for the holidays. The lyrics are funny and witty, featuring a clever-ish pun about fishes and the standout line: “Now Mum’s not a fan of that line about her back / She said it makes her sound frumpy and old / I said, ‘Woman, you are sixty-four years old.’” However, given Matty Healy’s many controversies and track record of being a contrarian, it’s easy to wonder if he might be the problem at his holiday dinner table.
4. “Christmas Treat” – Julian Casablancas
“Santa’s bringing goodies to those boys and girls / In every nook and cranny of this crazy ass world”
Speaking of humor, this next song is actually a cover of “I Wish It Was Christmas Today,” a song originally performed on Season 26 of Saturday Night Live. But whereas the original features Horatio Sanz’s deadpan vocals and Jimmy Fallon (kind of) playing the keyboard, this version has The Strokes’ signature indie-rock cool. With bright synths and jangly guitars, the SNL original transforms into a fully-realized, surprisingly catchy song. And hey, between the release of Saturday Night and the internet craze over Marcello Hernandez’s “Domingo,” what better way to finish off the year than with an homage to the beloved comedy sketch show?
5. “So Much Wine” – Phoebe Bridgers
“Listen to me, Butterfly / There’s only so much wine / That you can drink in one life”
You will never guess who sings backup vocals on this song. I mean, if you clicked on this article, you probably do know, but for those who don’t, here’s some hints: he’s the internet’s favorite Irish “white boy of the month,” the star of a recent blockbuster release (no, not Wicked), and the former boygenius First Gentleman. Actually, scratch that—this melancholy cover of The Handsome Family’s “So Much Wine” stands beautifully on its own, with or without Paul Mescal’s presence on the track. The instrumentation is chock-full of rich folksy goodness, with soft percussion, soothing strings, and some good, old-fashioned whistling. And, of course, Phoebe Bridgers never fails to deliver heartwrenching lyrics in a way that sounds like she’s singing directly to your soul.
6. “Last Christmas” – Lucy Dacus
“Tell me baby, do you recognize me? / Well, it’s been a year, it doesn’t surprise me”
Ah, “Last Christmas.” We all know it and love it. This version asks, “What if George Michael shredded on the guitar and had pouty spoken vocals?” It’s a bold choice, to say the least, and for that reason, this is a bit of a controversial pick. Even Lucy Dacus herself has admitted she’s not the biggest fan of her Avril-Lavigne-esque interpretation of the song. And I get it—Wham!’s original is a near-perfect Christmas classic, beloved by even the Grinchiest of Christmas haters. It’s pretty much untouchable. But who’s to say there can be only one “Last Christmas?” ‘Tis the season or whatever.
7. “River” – Joni Mitchell
“They’re putting up reindeer / And singing songs of joy and peace / Oh, I wish I had a river I could skate away on”
Like many songs on this list, “River” isn’t really a Christmas song, but we let it crash the party anyway. This beautiful ballad begins with a sparse piano intro that borrows its melody from “Jingle Bells” before hitting you with a series of devastating lyrics that don’t deck the halls as much as they deck you in the gut with an existential crisis. This is the track you put on when you’re sitting by the window, watching snow fall and contemplating every questionable decision you made this year—why have New Year’s resolutions when you can revel in regret for eternity?
8. “7 O’clock News / Silent Night” – Simon & Garfunkel
“Sleep in heavenly peace (that’s the seven o’clock edition of the news, goodnight)”
Because who doesn’t need more politics at the dinner table? Prepare to be hit with an overwhelming wave of numbness after this one. Simon & Garfunkel deliver a stripped-down, haunting version of “Silent Night,” with nothing but their harmonies and a delicate piano. But as the song goes on, a recording of a real 1966 news report creeps in. There’s nothing much more to say about it—it’s just a beautiful, poignant listen. If it somehow doesn’t hit close to home enough for you, you can also listen to Phoebe Bridgers’s cover, fit with an updated 2019 news recording (I would have added hers to this list instead, but alas, the law dictates that we cannot have multiple Phoebe tracks on a ten-song list).
9. “Did I Make You Cry on Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved it!)” – Peach Pit
“This time of year you always disappear / You tell me not to call / You tell me not to call”
Funnily enough, this song is actually a cover of another Sufjan Stevens Christmas song (these indie boys really do run in the same circles, huh?). “Did I Make You Cry on Christmas Day? (Well, You Deserved it!)” follows the relationship between the narrator and their partner, who is struggling with seasonal depression—but this version drowns out the sadness with Peach Pit’s signature breezy, dream-like guitar riffs. Not sure if you want to wallow in your winter blues or plug your ears, scream “LALALALA,” and pretend you’re lounging on a beach somewhere? With this song, you don’t have to choose—you can do both.
10. “Merry Christmas, Please Don’t Call” – Bleachers
“But you should know that I died slow / Running through the halls of your haunted home”
It’s been a long time since an original Christmas song really got it right, but Bleachers’s recent release might just be the one to break that curse. Yes, I am aware that the public opinion on Jack Antonoff has been contentious to say the least. To those whose opinion leans more toward the negative, I’m sorry to disappoint, but this song is front-to-back full of Antonoff-isms: arpeggiating synths, a saxophone outro, and echoey vocals that sound like they were recorded two rooms over. Listening to this sounds like drowning in snow (I know that’s not a thing, but if it was, it would feel like this). If Kendrick Lamar’s recent album hasn’t re-sold you on Antonoff, I might suggest skipping this one (and maybe the 1975 pick while you’re at it). But if you can forgive the man for his ubiquitous presence in pop music, this track’s worth a listen.
