As an 85% non-male identifying newsmagazine, the Voice is proud to celebrate International Women’s History Month! While we unfortunately cannot name-drop each and every woman, here are our top 10 most boundary-breaking, ceiling-shaking women on the Hilltop.
1: Lau Socializer
In a brazen assault on academic concentration, Rachel Winters (SON ’28) has transformed Lau 2 from a sanctuary of study to her personal social networking space, leaving peers who claim to be “locked in” trapped in an endless cycle of unsolicited conversation.
The Voice stationed reporters outside Midnight Mug to observe Winters in her element. She possesses an uncanny ability to initiate dialogue with all individuals in her vicinity, even those wearing Apple’s latest noise-canceling headphones. Her conversational tactics range from enthusiastic waves to class acquaintances she swears are close friends to full-scale debriefs of her spring break trip to Punta Cana (or was it Playa del Carmen?).
“I came here to study organic chemistry,” Jacob Martinez (CAS ’28) said. “Instead, I now know the intimate details of Rachel’s recent HireVue interview that she definitely bombed and four new meals she thinks Leo’s should integrate into the vegan station.”
2: The Goyard Girls
There is no better representation of a true Hoya—brave, authentic, and humble—than our very own Goyard Girls. A mystery to us POOR (People Ostracized by Our Regular bags), the Goyard Girls are national treasures. In a very “Houthi PC Small Group” turn of events, a Voice reporter carrying a TJ-Maxx knockoff of the designer bag to her biology lab recently joined the secret society.
“It’s like if a sorority was run by Charles Manson,” our reporter, who has been kept anonymous for safety reasons, said. “I think there’s another group chat for CGKOs [Canadian Goose, Goyard, Kendra Scott Owners]. I’m still trying to get into it, but my $19.99 Amazon Essentials dupes are not cutting it.”
For readers interested in supporting investigative journalism, the Voice is accepting donations for this reporter’s mission in our office, Leavey 424.
3: Joanna Carroll
We couldn’t honor Georgetown women without honoring the very first female Hoya, Joanna Carroll (CAS ’1789). Founder, hero, and inspiration behind the sexiest statue on this side of the Mississippi, Mrs. Carroll is Georgetown. To speak on her behalf, representing Georgetown’s Jesuit Value of nepotism, we spoke with direct descendant and Voice features editor, Sydney Carroll (CAS ’27).
“Guys, I’m not related to whoever Joanna Carroll is,” Carroll said. “Nor am I related to our actual founder, John Carroll. Please leave me alone.”
Way to erase the rich history of women at this campus, Sydney. Typical. Happy March, Joanna.
4: Tour guide who has celebrated her birthday five times this month
Birthdays are a big deal on this campus. Students pack their GCals with Tombs Night invites and Mai Thai dinner reservations spanning from Wednesday to Saturday—the weekend is actually four days long, if you haven’t heard. No one takes this endeavor more seriously than the fourth woman on our list, Blue and Gray tour guide Kelsey Alexander (CAS ’26).
We shadowed Alexander on several tours this month and were shocked when individuals on campus screamed across Healy Lawn to wish her happy birthday on five distinct occasions! We found it difficult to believe that she could age with such rapidity and celebrate with such fervor and intensity every time. That requires a social stamina that we certainly don’t have, and for that, we commend her. Hats off to you, Kelsey!
5: ICC Ballerina
From passés to Principles of Macroeconomics, this SFS star statue (who calls the ICC Galleria home) has been slaying. We cannot imagine the stress our Maps of the Modern World-monarch is under, as she balances The Washington Ballet, Georgetown Global Consulting, and constantly asking questions in a 200-person lecture.
Unfortunately, Ms. Anastasia (SFS ’25) was unavailable for an interview, as internship application deadlines for summer 2027 rapidly approach. However, the Voice acquired comment through her talent manager, Mr. Stephen Sondheim.
“Thank you for reaching out on behalf of the Hoya,” her manager wrote to the Voice. “Ms. Anastasia is so honored to be awarded Most Influential Woman of Georgetown this spring. She is eager to continue inspiring her peers, with aspirations of interning in the big five consulting firms. If any places are interested in recruiting this one-of-a-kind talent, we are happy to consider.”
6: The visionary behind Missed Connections
In a world where human connection has been reduced to algorithmic swipes and emoji-laden thirst comments, one woman has emerged as the unexpected matchmaker of the digital age—the owner of @gtown_missedconnections. The Voice was able to speak to her over Instagram DM, though she preferred to remain anonymous.
A typical day for [REDACTED] includes sorting through horny epithets asking for two-mans and meek confessions proclaiming a classmate is “lowk kinda cute.” In this manner, she transforms mundane encounters into romantic narratives that would make Jane Austen weep with a combination of envy and secondhand embarrassment.
“It’s like playing matchmaker for a dating pool of future war criminals,” she said. “I take my duty very seriously.”
Delilah Stephens (MSB ’27) and Christian Mendoza (SFS ’26) attribute their blossoming romance to the hard work of missed connections—the two met after Mendoza submitted a connection searching for “the girl with the fat ass wearing a neon green gym set.”
“Missed Connections is turning social awkwardness into a form of community entertainment—it’s beautiful,” Stephens said.
7: Kamala Harris
President Harris (SFS ’87) has had an incredible International Women’s History Month. From supporting women around the world by increasing funding for the United States Agency for International Development (USAID) to increasing funding for the Department of Education, Harris is showing what it means to be #stillwithher.
“There’s work that still needs to be done,” Harris said about her first year in office. “But when we fight, we win. And regardless, it could always be worse.”
As Americans await the fulfillment of her promises to wipe student debt and legalize recreational marijuana federally, it’s safe to say that women couldn’t be more proud of our first female president.
8: Virgin Mary
Happy half-birthday to the people’s princess, Ms. Mother-of-Jesus. There’s no one on this campus that slays the chapel down boots quite like Mary (SON ’06 CE). As rumors swirl about a potential GUSA presidential run, the Voice secured the inside scoop.
“I’m deeply honored to be given this opportunity to represent our flock,” Mary said. “But as I prepare to conquer Organic Chemistry next fall, I will unfortunately be unable to lead my followers. God-willing the chosen ones enjoy a blessed and holy prophet-ship.”
While it looks like 2025 only has room for one female president, we wish Mary the best of luck in her future endeavors.
9: Stylish B-Frat pledge wearing heels and socks on Wednesday
Campus fashion is dominated by a resurgence in Mary-Jane and ballet-flats-wearing women who silently assert their coolness with soft smiles accentuating their lip piercings. But the hottest new trend is that sweet, sweet combination of stiletto heels and athletic socks. This look, sported every Wednesday by daddy’s-money-touting, secret-society-wannabe B-Frat pledges, is a part of the organization’s ever-growing list of hazing tactics.
Amber Wiley (SFS ’28) was spotted with heels complimented by mid-calf Nike Elites but refused to comment on her supposed affiliation with B-Frat. However, she did attempt to assert her status as one of the campus’s reigning fashionistas.
“I wear these of my own volition,” Wiley said. “Once, I posted a pic on Instagram wearing them and I got 128 comments. If you can’t see the vision, that’s your problem.”
10: Cashier at Snaxa that you matched on Tinder with but she wouldn’t know because she won’t look up from her phone
On a fateful Tuesday evening, you decide to cure your econometrics-induced hunger with a trip to campus’s premier snack retailer, Hoya Snaxa. There, you’ll find the last, but certainly not least, woman on this list.
Last week, you matched with Trina Naylor (CAS ’25) on Tinder, but she still hasn’t responded to your flirty opening one-liner. You’ve been dying to run into her on campus in hopes that she’ll see your natural beauty and clamor back into your message box. You finally find her sitting behind the Snaxa desk. Your heart leaps and you sigh—a mixture of hope and anticipation. Maybe today you’ll discover her Spotify playlist titled “kisses!” actually was about you.
Unfortunately, when confronted with your existence in person, Naylor remained too engrossed in her phone to notice her electronic lover.
“We went the entire interaction, from when I first handed her my Sour Patch Kids to when she asked for my method of payment, without her glancing up from her round of Block Blast,” you said.
You know what, you should be proud. She was too intimidated by you to even make eye contact. She’s probably just playing hard to get.
