As one of many eager Georgetown students who are always applying to one thing or another, I tend to encounter many forms of rejection. Most recently, with the near end of the Summer internship application cycle, silence as a “no” has become the norm. Yet, at times, I daydream about better days, when applicants could actually get closure or acknowledgement for their hard work of LinkedIn doomscrolling, lying on their resume, and using ChatGPT to “help” write a cover letter. My mind immediately returns to the wonderful Georgetown club application cycle, and I reminisce on the pleasure of reading those heartfelt club rejection letters. In hopes of reminding you, fellow Hoya, that your current application to whatever job is being reviewed and not just falling into the abyss of some employee’s junk folder, I thought we’d review your email archives.
Dear Valued Applicant,
We have had such a…pleasure getting to know you throughout this holistic application process of three 250-word essays, a cover letter, five rounds of interviews, and a ritual of public humiliation before a crowd of your peers! We truly felt connected to the authentic and unfiltered versions of our applicants through your rehearsed elevator pitch responses to “Tell me about yourself.”
This semester, we received an unprecedented number of applications from an incredibly competitive and qualified field of candidates, despite the fact that none of you have ever consulted or made a latte before. Considering this, we unfortunately were unable to accept everyone, with the exception of those who did get in based on their insightful responses to questions and prompts like: “What would Costco do if Walmart ran?” and “If you were a cake, introduce yourself.”
After much deliberation and careful review of our notes at our BYOB Aprés-Ski Pregame for Spring Semester Soft Initiations™, we regret to inform you that you have not been selected to be a low-commitment, long-distance, casual General Body Member of MINGE, or the Microfinance Initiative for Non-Profit, Grassroot Enterprises.
Please note that this decision is not at all a reflection of your skill as a student and potential as a blossoming, young consultant/barista/unpaid tour guide/“eater.” It is, however, a reflection of your personality.
We are aware that Georgetown’s club culture is intensely competitive. While innovation and change are core values of our team—why else do you think most of our alumni now work for Palantir?—we also care deeply about transparency. We could pretend to want reform for expanded access, but that would be a lie—which is immoral! In light of this, we feel the need to be honest about who we would not like to be associated with: we found you deeply uninteresting and frankly, a little strange.
However, we hope that you fall victim not only to the sunk-cost fallacy but also to the lingering perception that without a major club leadership position, you will remain jobless and potentially friendless. So we encourage you to reapply in the future!Truly wishing you all the best,
Your Favorite Sellouts
xoxo
The MINGE Board
With this, I urge you not to get bogged down in your inbox of gloom. As exhausting and ridiculous as application processes can be, the shared experience is a testament to our student body’s perseverance and eternal sense of confidence. After all, delusions aren’t just reserved for situationships. Einstein may (or may not) have said that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results, but I don’t see a Goldman Sachs internship listed on his LinkedIn profile.
