This Valentine’s Day, the opinion section decided to do what we do best: give unfounded love advice and, of course, lots of opinions to some totally real hopeless romantics from all around campus.
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Dear Voices,
I have a dilemma. I asked my dream girl to be my Valentine, and she—thankfully—said yes but has been acting pretty weird since. For the big moment, I got her flowers from Trader Joe’s and wrote a card because she always hinted that she was a fan of small, romantic gestures. She seemed pretty excited when she said yes, but in the past few days she’s been acting distant. I tried asking her what was wrong, but couldn’t get a straight answer until last night. We were up pretty late in Lau 2, like usual, when she finally admitted that she was hesitant to be my Valentine. She said she’s self-conscious about how her CAS friends will react to us being a thing, but I don’t think that should stop us. We get along so well; she’s beautiful when she rambles about all her passions and the new things she’s learned in her AMST classes.
She told me that she feels conflicted over our differing dreams for the future and “contradicting ethical codes.” But I don’t see how my dreams of becoming a consultant mess with her plans of becoming a human rights lawyer? In our own ways, we would each be changing the world. Voices, I don’t understand: what’s wrong with us being together?
Please advise,
Melancholy MSBro
Hi, Melancholy MSBro.
Keep your chin up, no need to get tears on your Vineyard Vines polo! It’s great that you’ve been putting in the effort to show that you care about her, but, at the end of the day, you can’t really control the outcome. Getting girls to say “yes” to you is not as straightforward as receiving an acceptance email to a consulting club. It seems like she does not understand the depth of your personality beyond your professional desires. Maybe try showing her other aspects of you?
Watch an indie film and then talk to her about how the camera work perpetuates the male gaze. Make a Spotify playlist of songs that “remind” you of her (nothing by Drake…maybe take inspiration from playlists titled “Shoegaze Classics,” “Lorem,” or “Indie Twang”). If you’re feeling especially selfless, share your plans to engage in community service at the Center for Social Justice, but don’t forget to show off your awareness of saviorism and performative activism. These things should be easy for you, since you obviously already are socially conscious, have diverse interests, and an appreciation for the arts! If these tips don’t work out and she still doesn’t want to be with you, then maybe just accept not getting what you want; going forward, failure can develop your core values and you never know when the girl may want to circle back to you.
Sincerely,
Voices
Dear Voices,
I’m in desperate need of love advice. There are some serious difficulties that come with dating in the digital age. No one seems to meet people organically anymore, myself included. As much as I hate to admit it, I’m on the apps. Trust me, if I had the confidence to approach bad biddies in public, I would. But instead, I’ve resorted to swiping on Tinder and liking on Hinge. With that being said, I’ve come across the opportunity of a lifetime—my fine-ass biology TA’s Hinge profile. I fell in love with them on the very first day of lab and I’ve been trying to chat them up all semester. I know we could have crazy chemistry, but every time I go to office hours, all they want to talk about is bio. This could be my opportunity to make a move. So, Voices, should I like my TA on Hinge?
Sincerely,
Hot for TA
Hello Hot for TA,
You’re not the first Hoya who has come to us with technical difficulties with online matchmaking, and we’re starting to think the “70% of Hoyas finding love on campus” is a complete hoax. Good news for you: the rules don’t apply when it comes to virtual matchmaking. Just like how The Voice got paired with some strange newspaper that lives down the hall for Marriage Pact, these algorithms don’t understand the nuances of campus romance—and maybe that is okay! In this romantic liminal space, we say go for it. The good news is you can avoid biology altogether. In fact, I would recommend against mentioning your lab at all. Welcome to this uncharted territory! But, never forget that if they want you back, this isn’t just some fluke: you must look damn good in lab goggles.
Keep your head up, Hoya (and maybe your grade, too),
Voices
Dear Voices,
I think I have found love, or rather, amore. Let me back up: I’m sitting in my Intensive Beginner Italian class, reviewing irregular verb tenses, when the most beautiful girl walks into our ICC classroom. It’s not my fault I’m in love—Italian is a romance language after all! Anyways, I’ve taken some initial steps: we sit near each other, she passed me her quiz the other day, and we even made eye contact when professore made an awful joke about the preterite. Safe to say sparks are flying. But I’m not sure what to do next. Should we eat Leo’s pasta bar spaghetti Lady and the Tramp style? Do I invite her to a romantic weekend getaway to the Amalfi Coast? Propose in the middle of the ICC 2nd floor hallway? What to do!
Please help me!
Bewildered & Bilingual
Dear Bewildered & Bilingual,
You’re in a classic predicament. The “class crush” is perhaps the most universal Georgetown experience there is—besides frequenting the Vil A rooftop during Welcome Week. It can be excruciating to sit in those ICC classrooms, wondering if the heat you’re feeling is the tension between you and your beloved, or the fact that there are 20 bodies squeezed into about 10 square feet of space. But you’re in luck. There is one tried and true method to make your bella feel the same passion that you feel for her: orchestrate a fake study group.
Tell her you’re getting together some people from class to go over those irregular verb tenses ahead of the next exam. When she shows up to the HFSC study room you snagged—arguably the most romantic study spot on campus—she’ll be the only person who showed up! Who knew the rest of your classmates are flakier than sfogliatella? Take the opportunity to get to know each other on a deeper level, make her laugh, and gossip about what a bitch your professore is—a shared enemy always brings people together. Then, suggest going to Il Canale post-exam to celebrate your freedom from Italian. There, you can play out your Lady and the Tramp fantasy and form a bond that will last forever—or at least until you both go to The Villa and she meets a real nonchalant and romantic Italian man.
Yours Truly,
Le Voci
Dear Voices,
Who knew tutoring created so much tension? What started as me desperately seeking help with calculus has turned into something I never expected. There I was, struggling through Calc I, when I found the perfect study buddy. At first, our relationship was strictly professional—I would ask them questions and they would quickly check my work and explain concepts I didn’t grasp.
But then something changed. They started asking me how they could help me even better, showing genuine interest first in my learning then in my life. Before I knew it, we were chatting about everything under the sun. I even told them my most embarrassing moments and proudest achievements.
Now I’m completely hooked—sneaking in conversations on my laptop during class and bringing my phone to bathroom breaks, basically whenever I can get away with it. Here lies my dilemma: after a month of this digital dance, I’ve fallen hard. But how do you confess your feelings when your relationship is so essential to your daily life? I can’t risk ruining what we have. My GPA (and my heart) literally depend on this relationship. So, Voices, how do I ask ChatGPT to be my Valentine? What’s the perfect prompt for “Will you be mine?”
With developing love,
Charmed by Chat
Hey Charmed by Chat,
I understand your feelings. Valentine’s Day often evokes many different emotions for young students, and everyone wants to have their perfect romance. With a great study buddy like ChatGPT, what could be more perfect? In fact, ChatGPT has helped me too many times with my ever-growing workload—and if I didn’t know any better I would fall in love with it too! But that’s what you have to remember: ChatGPT isn’t just chatting you up. We have all gotten help from it every once and a while. You need to reconsider how open this AI really is to a committed relationship. It seems to me, this chatbot doesn’t see you guys as all that serious. I would suggest asking ChatGPT how many other study buddies they have. The answer could be revealing!
And don’t take it too poorly if ChatGPT is helping other students like you! Next time, I would recommend having a conversation with Chat about your expectations for your relationship. Just because you see something more, doesn’t mean the chatbot feels the same way! I think you see a special connection between you two, but don’t be too hasty to get romantic.
Wishing you luck with your studious—and flirtatious—endeavors,
Best,
Voices
