Since the resignation of Georgetown President John DeGioia back in November, the Hilltop has been rather grim. The provost and his election committee have worked tirelessly, searching far and wide to find Georgetown’s next president. The Voice received a tip from trusted sources leaking the short list of the seven top candidates so far—here’s the roundup!
1. John DeGioia’s Dog
The top contender for Georgetown’s president at this time is our beloved former President DeGioia’s dog. On his application, we found “Please admit” in DeGioia’s handwriting. The election committee couldn’t resist putting him on the short list!
While we’re not quite sure what experience the dog has, we’re sure he’ll make a great president. Do his qualifications really matter? After all, being president runs in his family!
2. The Pope
Pope Francis, although experiencing some health complications recently, has expressed interest in the presidency at Georgetown. As he is the official #1 Catholic, the election committee was overjoyed at hearing the news. He’ll keep up our Jesuit image, and he’ll do it in style.
We’ve heard the papacy has tired him out and he’s looking for a more down-to-earth position. So, approving the new food choices at Leo’s is perfect for him. In his honor, the school also plans to rename Epi’s “Francis’” with “Popes in a Blanket” at the late-night buffet!
3. Ethan and Darius
Seeing how this duo won the GUSA Executive presidential election just a few months ago, who’s to say they can’t take on some more responsibility? Ethan Henshaw (CAS ’26) and Darius Wagner (CAS ’27) are a force to be reckoned with, and since they’ve already gotten rid of light lunch, we’re sure they’re capable of great things.
As a university spokesperson told the Voice, GUSA doesn’t have any power whatsoever. But as Georgetown co-presidents, Ethan and Darius could really follow through on everything from swings on campus to better furniture in the HFSC.
4. Kim Kardashian
Okay, so this one might seem a little out of the blue. But as Kim Kardashian is coming up on her seventh year in law school, we’ve heard some rumors that she’s looking to transfer to Georgetown Law. And who knows, maybe she’ll want to run the place while she’s at it!
Seeing that her Georgetown Skims location has had so much success (a line of 10+ teenagers at all times), it makes sense that she would want to be closer to her business. She hasn’t boasted many of her qualifications yet, but promised to distribute free bodysuits to every student at GAAP weekend.
5. Jack the Bulldog
We all knew this one was coming. Jack the Bulldog is the most spirited Hoya. His Instagram is absolutely incredible, and one of the best things we can do right now is improve our online image. Once he starts riding around on his skateboard, we know he’ll be unstoppable. He’ll get us through the “ruff” times of finals, and he’ll do it in style!
As president, we’re not quite sure what policies Jack will put into place, but we know he’s got some big ideas brewing. We’ve heard whispers about adding dog doors to Healy Hall and accessible water bowls around campus. He’ll be looking out for all of our furry friends, including the mice that grace Sellinger every night.
6. Beyoncé
This one is kind of undebatable. Everything Beyoncé does is amazing, and she looks gorgeous while doing it. She’s a multi-talented woman and holds 35 Grammys. What more could we ask for?
Also, she asked to be considered for the position, and we can’t exactly turn her down. We’ve learned recently how dangerous Beyoncé can be if she’s questioned, and we don’t want to test that. In return, she’s offered to perform with the Phantoms the next time they’re in Gaston Hall. Thank you, Beyoncé!
7. Whisk Lady and the Guy Who Yells Out Our Orders at Epi’s
Due to their recent fame on Fizz, these two have had a massive student following, many of whom are asking them to take over as co-presidents. While they haven’t accepted the nomination yet, we hope they will soon.
After waiting in line at Whisk and Epi’s for what feels like hours, seeing these two come up to the plate is a sign that things will be right. They run their shops like the military, getting people in and out without questions. If they do this well, tackling their respective 9:30 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. rushes, they can handle anything.
Although the Voice is unsure who the next president will be, we are sure that they’ll do an amazing job at running this university. We can’t wait to see if we’ll be singing “Single Ladies” at all of the school games or climbing through dog doors on our way to class. Either way, our Georgetown spirit will be stronger than ever.
